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and Auntie hath murdered sleep...
Okay, so last night, I had a not quite nightmare. I say not quite, because I was fighting it for everything I was worth. Normally, when I'm dreaming, and I see it's starting to go bad, I can change it. Yes, I'm one of those lucky people who can "change channels" when I'm dreaming and ward off nightmares. Doesn't mean I don't have them. In fact, there are nights where I have nothing but, as if my brain refuses to work and is saying, "I want you to be scared, dammit, and I'm not letting you drive tonight!" But most of the time, I manage to change directions and keep the bad dreams from happening.
Last night, well, you know most nightmares are rather stupid, let's face it. You're so scared while you're having it, but when you wake up to talk about it, nine times out of ten, you start laughing because you realize suddenly that if it had happened in real time, you would have laughed your ass off. It's only that rare tenth time that you're just as scared awake as you were asleep.
So, last night, for some reason, I was dreaming that I had to live in the house of this great-aunt that I absolutely hated. I had two, actually. One I hated because she was nosy, interfering, and constantly hurt people by spreading gossip that was rarely true. The other I hated because she was just plain evil. It was this great-aunt, we'll just call her Aunt Evil, that I was dreaming about. The weird thing was, though in the dream, the house I dreamed about wasn't her actual house. In the backyard was a dying palm tree which I was determined to save. I kept pruning it, and finding all these really strange insects, and it was getting very overcast and stormy, and I knew I had to save the tree before the storm. The part of me that was lucid during all of this was sort of watching it and thinking, "Well, gee, this is really dumb. Time to change tracks." So I tried to change the sky, and turn the palm tree into a rose bush or something, but... it didn't work. That's when I knew it was going to try to be a nightmare. Of course, the fact it was supposed to be Aunt Evil's house sorta clued me in, too.
While Lucid Me was trying to change things, Clueless Dream Me went into the house to confer with my Hip Lesbian Roommate who for some completely unknown reason, was reassembling an old Volkswagon Beetle on our living room floor. I think she was trying to turn it into a fish tank, but I'm not sure. Anyway, I explained the problem with the palm tree, and she said, "I dunno, Auntie, it's a nasty old thing anyway, and it's just taking up space. Let it die and we can have it hauled out."
And said, "Oh no, because it's a rare Beetlejuice Tamara palm, and we can't let it die!"
I have no idea what Beetlejuice Tamara palm is.
So then I said, "I know what will save it! Baby shampoo!"
Yeah. Right. Lucid Me was thinking that Clueless Dream Me was a complete and total ditz, and I was trying so hard to change this around. I hate dreams where I'm stupid. But the dream was determined to drag Lucid Me along, so I followed myself down the dim hallway.
I hate being afraid. I mean, really, I hate being afraid, and I tend to get angry, and force myself to deal with whatever is making me so scared. It was getting really dark outside, because of the coming storm, and I was already scared, because I hated being in Aunt Evil's house. And that was true from real life. I hated Aunt Evil's real house, because it always had such a creepy feel to it. I spent as much time as possible out in her back yard. It was always dark in that house, no matter how bright it was outside, and the windows were open and all. It was always dark and gloomy in that house.
So, there I was, walking determinedly down the dim hallways, even though I was so nervous and twitchy, and I got to my room and reached in through the door to flip the light switch. Nothing. I flipped it up and down, nothing. No lights. Gritting my teeth, I plunged into the room and stood there, waiting for something awful to happen. Nothing. So I started trying to turn on the lamps. Nothing. Crap, Lucid Me thought. This is definitely going to be a nightmare, and I really, really don't wanna have it! So I tried opening the blinds, tried turning on the hall light, but no, it stayed determinedly dark in my room. The shampoo was in my bathroom, and it was even DARKER in there! And Something Awful had happened in there (though, of course, Lucid Me had no idea what). I walked to the door, reached in to flip that light switch, and of course no light. At this point, even Clueless Dream Me was sick of being scared, and totally pissed off. I could see the shampoo bottle sitting on the edge of the tub, and shoved the door open and strode in. And of course, the Awful Scary Thing was behind the door. I knew it, and didn't care. I picked up the shampoo, turned around and glared at it and shouted, "Leave, dammit! Leave now!!" Except I had a very hard time saying it, like I was shouting through mud, which meant I was actually trying to shout it out loud. And this hand started slapping my bare bottom, which really puzzled me since I was dressed, and I startled awake to find the Husbandly One basically trying to spank me awake, since we were both tangled up in the bed covers (thanks to my flailing) and that was the only part of me he could reach. "Hey, wake up, wake up, Auntie!" he was saying.
"Hey, stop spanking me," I mumbled, and turned over. Well... I tried to, at least. We were pretty tangled up. It took a while to sort out, and while we tried to free ourselves, I told him about the nightmare. And ended up laughing heartily. Because it was just so darn silly. I think my favorite part was the Beetle in the living room. It made me nostalgic for my first year in college, when I was in marching band and a group of us used to take our grad assistant's Beetle and leave it in unusual places. Like... a piano practice studio. Doors wide enough to accomdate a piano are wide enough to accomodate a Beetle. Or... on a float in the middle of the decorative pool by the Performing Arts Center. Or on the roof of the dorm he lived in. Sorry, Reese, we couldn't resist.
Anyway, as far as nightmares go, it was pretty tame. Nothing like the nightmare I had about being pursued by Charlie Chaplin midgets through my house when I was pregnant. I've never been able to look at a small child dressed as Charlie Chaplin since without palpitations!
Last night, well, you know most nightmares are rather stupid, let's face it. You're so scared while you're having it, but when you wake up to talk about it, nine times out of ten, you start laughing because you realize suddenly that if it had happened in real time, you would have laughed your ass off. It's only that rare tenth time that you're just as scared awake as you were asleep.
So, last night, for some reason, I was dreaming that I had to live in the house of this great-aunt that I absolutely hated. I had two, actually. One I hated because she was nosy, interfering, and constantly hurt people by spreading gossip that was rarely true. The other I hated because she was just plain evil. It was this great-aunt, we'll just call her Aunt Evil, that I was dreaming about. The weird thing was, though in the dream, the house I dreamed about wasn't her actual house. In the backyard was a dying palm tree which I was determined to save. I kept pruning it, and finding all these really strange insects, and it was getting very overcast and stormy, and I knew I had to save the tree before the storm. The part of me that was lucid during all of this was sort of watching it and thinking, "Well, gee, this is really dumb. Time to change tracks." So I tried to change the sky, and turn the palm tree into a rose bush or something, but... it didn't work. That's when I knew it was going to try to be a nightmare. Of course, the fact it was supposed to be Aunt Evil's house sorta clued me in, too.
While Lucid Me was trying to change things, Clueless Dream Me went into the house to confer with my Hip Lesbian Roommate who for some completely unknown reason, was reassembling an old Volkswagon Beetle on our living room floor. I think she was trying to turn it into a fish tank, but I'm not sure. Anyway, I explained the problem with the palm tree, and she said, "I dunno, Auntie, it's a nasty old thing anyway, and it's just taking up space. Let it die and we can have it hauled out."
And said, "Oh no, because it's a rare Beetlejuice Tamara palm, and we can't let it die!"
I have no idea what Beetlejuice Tamara palm is.
So then I said, "I know what will save it! Baby shampoo!"
Yeah. Right. Lucid Me was thinking that Clueless Dream Me was a complete and total ditz, and I was trying so hard to change this around. I hate dreams where I'm stupid. But the dream was determined to drag Lucid Me along, so I followed myself down the dim hallway.
I hate being afraid. I mean, really, I hate being afraid, and I tend to get angry, and force myself to deal with whatever is making me so scared. It was getting really dark outside, because of the coming storm, and I was already scared, because I hated being in Aunt Evil's house. And that was true from real life. I hated Aunt Evil's real house, because it always had such a creepy feel to it. I spent as much time as possible out in her back yard. It was always dark in that house, no matter how bright it was outside, and the windows were open and all. It was always dark and gloomy in that house.
So, there I was, walking determinedly down the dim hallways, even though I was so nervous and twitchy, and I got to my room and reached in through the door to flip the light switch. Nothing. I flipped it up and down, nothing. No lights. Gritting my teeth, I plunged into the room and stood there, waiting for something awful to happen. Nothing. So I started trying to turn on the lamps. Nothing. Crap, Lucid Me thought. This is definitely going to be a nightmare, and I really, really don't wanna have it! So I tried opening the blinds, tried turning on the hall light, but no, it stayed determinedly dark in my room. The shampoo was in my bathroom, and it was even DARKER in there! And Something Awful had happened in there (though, of course, Lucid Me had no idea what). I walked to the door, reached in to flip that light switch, and of course no light. At this point, even Clueless Dream Me was sick of being scared, and totally pissed off. I could see the shampoo bottle sitting on the edge of the tub, and shoved the door open and strode in. And of course, the Awful Scary Thing was behind the door. I knew it, and didn't care. I picked up the shampoo, turned around and glared at it and shouted, "Leave, dammit! Leave now!!" Except I had a very hard time saying it, like I was shouting through mud, which meant I was actually trying to shout it out loud. And this hand started slapping my bare bottom, which really puzzled me since I was dressed, and I startled awake to find the Husbandly One basically trying to spank me awake, since we were both tangled up in the bed covers (thanks to my flailing) and that was the only part of me he could reach. "Hey, wake up, wake up, Auntie!" he was saying.
"Hey, stop spanking me," I mumbled, and turned over. Well... I tried to, at least. We were pretty tangled up. It took a while to sort out, and while we tried to free ourselves, I told him about the nightmare. And ended up laughing heartily. Because it was just so darn silly. I think my favorite part was the Beetle in the living room. It made me nostalgic for my first year in college, when I was in marching band and a group of us used to take our grad assistant's Beetle and leave it in unusual places. Like... a piano practice studio. Doors wide enough to accomdate a piano are wide enough to accomodate a Beetle. Or... on a float in the middle of the decorative pool by the Performing Arts Center. Or on the roof of the dorm he lived in. Sorry, Reese, we couldn't resist.
Anyway, as far as nightmares go, it was pretty tame. Nothing like the nightmare I had about being pursued by Charlie Chaplin midgets through my house when I was pregnant. I've never been able to look at a small child dressed as Charlie Chaplin since without palpitations!