auntbijou | Ze Loozards!! Ze Loozards!! (Reply)

You know, it's not that I don't like Texas Spiny Lizards. Really. I mean, I think they're fairly handsome (from a distance), and I appreciate the pest control they do, really, I truly, truly do!

I just... wish they didn't seem to like me so much. To the point of giving me heart failure.

So, I'm baking cookies today, and doing various other domestic engineer type tasks, setting dishes to soak in the sink, picking up, watering animals and plants, yada, yada, yada. And I open the front door to water the plants on the porch. And promptly shriek, jumping wildly and slopping water everywhere. Because I'm wearing shorts, I'm barefoot, and a lizard had just leapt onto my foot and ran up my leg into my shorts!!

Yeeeeeaaaugh!!!!

Did I mention they're doing work on our street, building new curbing?

So, I shriek and jump, throwing the water jug down, and bat frantically at my shorts, hoping to discourage said beastie from invading any further into my private areas. Because I really, really really don't want a lizard there!!

Really!!

In the meantime, Calcifur, Muta, and Yuki, our nearly six month old kittens, were sitting in the doorway, watching my antics with great interest, not even the least bit interested in going out for a bit of an explore. For all I know, they were waiting for my encore.

By this time, I've attracted the attention of the guys working on the curb in front of our house. They're mostly Hispanic, big macho guys who are quiet, work hard, but won't hesitate to lend a helping hand if they see someone in need. Helping old ladies step over the big trenches they've dug for the concrete, helping little kids get balls that got stuck in rebar, etc, etc. So three of them, seeing me jumping around and slapping at my legs, rush up the walk and shout, "You okay? Need help?"

I don't even get to answer them. All this time, Mr. Molester Lizard has been having a field day in my shorts. Literally. I've been keeping him out of my underwear, heavens only know how, but those scales are scratchy, and not in a pleasant way, and though I long to yank off my shorts, grab him, and fling him far, far away... now I can't. I froze, looking up at them, open my mouth to answer and with a fat *plop* Mr. Molester Lizard falls out of my shorts and lands on the porche between my feet. He looks at them, opens his mouth wide, and hisses, then lunges at them, leaping off the porch toward them.

They stare at him, eyes growing wide, then THEY scream and run away.

Somehow... not the reaction I was expecting.

I stood there for another moment, before I realized I had to catch three eager and willing cats, plus now everyone was staring at my house. I shoved the cats back in, leaped in the door and slammed it shut, in case Mr. Molester Lizard decided to come in with me for a little more slap and tickle.

Ye gods and little fishes!! What is it about these LIZARDS???

So, THAT is why my cookies are going to taste a little different than usual, because I was badly distracted at that point, and added way too much cinnamon, then ended up having to sort of make it up as I went along after that point. They were supposed to be ginger cookies. I guess now they're sort of... whatever cookies. Because that's how I felt at that point. "Too much cinnamon? Oh... whatever!! I know, how about more ginger!! Another egg... and... salt? Shmalt!! WHATEVER!!"

I just hope the kids want to eat them!

*laughs*

You know, people on this street are starting to look at me funny...

*sigh*