Facebook Status, Anyone?

Wednesday, June 13th, 2012 05:29 pm
auntbijou: made by <lj comm=lvlwings_icons> (Delicious Hot Schmoes!)
This is what I posted on Facebook a few minutes ago...

"Grocery shopping with my children is rather like being orbited by my own tiny planet and moon. A hyper, dancing, chattering, extremely frenetic tiny planet while a very grouchy, cranky moon continually snarks and fusses at the tiny planet. No wonder I forget stuff. Aleve, please?"

The Impossible Son orbits around me, literally sticking to my side and hopping, dancing, twirling, and jigging on both sides of me, and behind me, and in front of me, until I can't keep track of him and I end up almost falling over him or bumping him or... yeah. And yes, it drives me NUTS. It was one thing when he was small and I could easily move him either into the basket or up on my back or hip and thus out of the way.

Now, however, he's eleven, and he's in that all long arms/long legs stage of pre-explosive growth, and that's just entirely too much boy to be dancing around Mama and nearly tripping her up!

And while he's doing this, he's talking my ear off and with the grocery store being full of people and annoying music, I can't make out a word he's saying, and I can't focus or concentrate for anything. GAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

In the meantime, my daughter is pushing the basket, fussing almost nonstop at him to get off the shelf, get off the the display, move out of the way, don't touch that, put that down, don't pick that up, get that for Mum, please, no, don't put that in the basket, not that one, genius, the other one, wait, no, don't touch that or you'll knock it all over... MOOOOOM!!!

Yes, as you can see, the fun of grocery shopping with my kids lives on.

It's very... migraine inducing.

Good thing I love them. Of course, I can't walk away from them and pretend they aren't mine because (1) they look just like me and (2) it's a small town, everybody knows us, and no one is fooled any more, though they might take them off my hands for an hour or two out of sheer kindness. Maybe.

Have I mentioned that my kids are also going through the ravenous wolf phase? The Impossible Son is eating nearly everything in sight. Fruit doesn't last long in our house. Or frozen vegetables. Or crackers. Or ham. Or hot dogs. Or leftover grilled hamburger patties. Or cheese. Or chips. Or bananas... dammit, I forgot bananas!!

*head-desk*

And the Impertinent Daughter, at 16, is still growing, and has moments of, "I'm not hungry," followed by three or four days of, "eat ALL the food in the house!!" And there are days when she sort of eyes her brother, but he's too skinny to eat. Not enough meat on those long bones of his. Perhaps I should be nervous!

And then the Husbandly One comes home and says, "Where's all the food?? Didn't you just go grocery shopping???"

And I say, "It was sheer self-preservation!! I had to, or they would eat ME!!!

I don't know why he never believes me...
auntbijou: (Angry Chibi Auntie!!)
Note to self: After a night of having other people keeping you awake (and not in a good way, either), so that you get about two and a half hours of sleep, and then finally getting into a writing groove when you give up on ever getting back to sleep, and having it INTERRUPTED (looks accusingly at Impertinent Daughter)...

... do not then drive into San Marcos and be fooled into thinking that because the kids did great at the library and didn't make you want to wring their necks even once, it would then be no problem to stop at Hobby Lobby on the way home.

Never. Again.

I actually got some editing done on my slash novel at the library. Which was... wonderful. Miss Priss found books and manga, and managed to introduce the Impossible Son to a new manga which he is devouring. They sat at the table with me, reading and talking quietly while I worked, and then we went to check their books out. And I thought, oh, yeah, they were great at the library, we won't be at Hobby Lobby long, I just need a few things for beadwork, it'll be fine, even if the Husbandly One isn't with us.

Nope, not making that mistake again.

Mr. Impossible doesn't like going to craft stores unless we're getting something for him, and then he wants to escape as soon as possible. And he's operating under the mistaken assumption that if he irritates me enough, I'll leave the store and go home where he can play video games in peaceful bliss, and I'll be happy to be home and won't say a thing to him.

No matter how many times this fantasy does not play out, he still firmly believes it.

Let's just say that the fact he survived to leave the store is a miracle in and of itself. And he has somehow conveniently forgotten that I told him if I left the store before I was ready, and before I'd gotten the things I needed, he would not be playing his DS, or on any of his game systems. Dammit.

Seriously, I need a nap liek whoa. Or a caffeine IV. That is, if my head wasn't already going explodey.

Shoot me. Just shoot me now. Please.

*head-desk*

WHEEEEEEE!!!!

Wednesday, September 29th, 2010 11:29 am
auntbijou: (Golden-eyed Weasley)
I want to thank you all for the lovely birthday wishes! And thank you, [profile] lusiology for the cake! Hee!!

And you should all be very, very proud of me. I started walking again a couple of weeks ago, and I managed to walk a mile today!! YAY!! Once I work myself back up to five miles, I'll start running again.

I'm kinda tired of being "pleasantly plump."

We've had all kinds of adventures over the last week around here. Friday night, we had friends over, so I spent most of the week tidying things up, and Friday morning, while I was picking up shoes, socks, books, and other detritus that the kids tend to leave all over the floor, tables, couches, etc, I discovered the desiccated remains of... the gods only know what. Might have been a mouse, might have been an unfortunate member of the spiny lizard tribe... who knows. So, after about ten minutes of squeamishness and, "oh, ugh... blech... why am I always the one finding this stuff," among other complaints, I picked it up carefully and disposed of it. Found a few more, got rid of them, and thought that was it.

However, once our guests arrived, I noticed R kept wrinkling her nose, though she was trying to be subtle about it, and I thought, "Oh, great, there's probably more of whatever it was that I didn't find, and now it smells... wonderful."

We never smelled it, even after going outside and coming back in.

Then Saturday morning, I got up and shuffled into the kitchen for caffeine to wake my brain up... and beat a hasty retreat back to the bedroom, gagging and wheezing.

Seriously, guys, you shouldn't have to think, "Dear gods, what the hell crawled into my house and died," before you've even had enough caffeine to be even semi human.

A frantic search of the house narrowed it down to the kitchen/living room/utility room. But practically tearing those rooms up revealed nothing, and we had soccer to deal with, both with the Impossible Son having a game, and the Impertinent Daughter refereeing a U6 game. *sudden LOL at the thought of the "Impertinent Referee"*

Except... I started itching like crazy while we were out there, EVEN THE INSIDE OF MY MOUTH!!! WTF????

We came home, where Auntie ingested mass quantities of Benadryl and passed out for the afternoon, thus enabling the Husbandly One to take the kids shopping at WalMart and stopping by a local resale shop to buy a 10 speed bike for himself (for $20).

This is relevant, trust me.

I woke up and was hustled outside so he could show off his acquisition. Not quite with it, I nodded, and watched him ride it around, and tried to be properly impressed. However, being in a Benadryl haze, I probably didn't succeed too well at this wifely duty. THO decided this bike, being a Bianchi (???), should go in the garage. So... he opened it up...

... and we all promptly staggered back, coughing, gagging, eyes watering, and flailing as we struggled to find the edge of the Funk Zone for some badly needed oxygen.

OMG... whatever it was... it was in... the ... garage.

The garage. Filled with boxes. And boxes. And boxes of... unpacked stuff from our last move.

Pity the Husbandly One. We all abandoned him to the thankless job of shifting the boxes to find ... The Corpse.

Of course, there was a corpse. There had to be a corpse. With a funk that strong? Honey!!

And... it was. It was the corpse of... a possum.

*pauses while [profile] eloquent_toast cries out in dismay*

We knew a family of possums had taken up residence either under our deck or in the bamboo of the backyard. Evidently, this particular possum found his way into the garage... but couldn't find his way out.

The Husbandly One removed le dead opossum and disposed of him/her/it properly, then sprinkled cat litter over the spot to dry it up and deodorize.

Eurgh.

Sunday, we needed to run into Austin to a Men's Wearhouse to get the Impossible Son fitted for a tuxedo. He is going to be an usher in my second oldest niece's wedding. And he is going to look unbelievably cute! And hell, yes, I'm going to take pictures!!

It was at the moment that we were walking out of the store that I suddenly realized...

1.) This was going to be a formal wedding.

2.) This was going to be a very formal wedding.

3.) One cannot wear the very casual clothing I have to a formal wedding.

4.) I have to go shopping, for myself, and for the Impertinent One for clothes for a formal wedding.

5.) I have no idea what the hell to get.

Y'all already know, right, that I am absolutely hopeless at shopping for myself? That I should not be allowed to buy clothes for myself, because I am pathetic at it?

You see the problem?

I was not mentally prepared to shop for clothes. It did not go well. One should not bring a 9 year old boy along to shop for clothes when one is trying to get used to the idea of shopping for clothes again.

It did not end well.

I also realized that I have completely lost my "shopping at department stores" skills. The Husbandly One is dreadfully spoiled, y'all. I don't shop for clothes all the time, and when I do, it tends to be jeans and such, and sneakers. Because I don't shop for shoes like I used to, either. And I don't shop for makeup. Which... I need to, now. Ugh.

And I have until the 16th.

*flail*

Needless to say, I'm doing my research now. And plan to hit either San Marcos or Austin's Barton Creek Mall this weekend for clothes. Hopefully, the Impertinent Daughter will keep me from making a frump of myself.

And, the Impossible Son had a project due this week. They're reading A Paradise Called Texas by Janice Jordan Shefelman in his class, and the students were required to build a model ship based on the Margaretha, the ship in the book that took German immigrants to Texas. It's both a test grade and a reading grade for the class.

Fortunately, I knew about this several weeks ago, so I'd been gathering materials beforehand to get ready. We built it out of two 12-pack soda can boxes, one for the body of the ship, one, cut into two pieces, for the poop deck and forecastle, and two cardboard tubes that came from boxes of parchment paper for the masts. A pencil was used for the mast that juts out from the bow of the ship, and I drew the figurehead that hung below it. We worked on it for three days, and it turned out to be absolutely awesome! Plus, made from recycled materials, YAY!! Unfortunately, I did not get a photo of it before it was taken to school. Blame fatigue and not enough caffeine!

And now, I must get ready to get my hair cut. It is time. Since my hair is growing back, thanks to the new meds, it is getting very thick. While the curl hasn't come back, it still has a mind of its own, so the best way to deal with it is to cut it into submission. It's already getting long enough to bother me, and I know my stylist is going to fuss at me again for not coming in every six weeks. Well... sometimes I can, and... sometimes I can't. That's the life of a busy mom for you!

See you later!

*goes off merrily on her way*
auntbijou: (Angry Chibi Auntie!!)
Okay, I've had some time to decompress a bit, though I am still wired, to the point that I almost cannot sit still.

I had to go to San Marcos today to get a bridal shower gift for my second oldest niece, M. She's getting married in October, and I kind of wasn't looking forward to this trip, not because I'm not excited for her, but because, well... soccer season for the youth league starts tomorrow, there's all sorts of SNAFU's already, the kind that make you want to tear your hair out and yell, "This isn't rocket science, people!!"

I'd already dealt with a couple of phone calls that made me want to find somebody to chop into little bits so I could stomp all over them, so I was already feeling testy and twitchy and just generally very Bear-like.

Definitely should have had a "Beware of Bear" shirt on.

I should probably mention here that she's registered at Target.

So, looking at M's gift registry, I see she wants a pizza pan. Our budget is somewhat limited, plus, I'm making her earrings, so... "shrugs* The pizza pan she wants is on a lower shelf, so I bend my knees and bend over to grab it and make sure I have the right SKU number when... a large pair of hands suddenly grabs my ass and squeezes. TWICE.

Did I mention that my dad was in the Marine Corps, and didn't want his girls to be helpless in a man's world?

It was totally instinctive. I gripped the pizza pan, dropped into a crouch, stepped back and swung up with it as hard as I could, yelling, "HYYAAAAAA!!!" and brained him.

It rang with a solid CLAAAANG!! and knocked him back into the shelves across the aisle. Of course, I was full of adrenaline and totally pissed off, and I shouted, "What the hell do you think you're doing??"

He scrambled to his feet, waving his hands in front of his face with a rapidly swelling lump on his forehead, gave me this totally shit eating grin and said, "Oh, sorry, wrong butt!"

"Yes, it was!" I snarled, raising the pizza pan again. "And if you take one step closer to me, I'll show you just how wrong you were!!"

His eyes got wide and he RAN!! Of course, that might have been because a stocker the size of Montana came running up with a rolling pin in his hands (well, we were in Housewares!) and said, "I saw the whole thing and Security is on the way. Are you all right, Ma'am?"

"No, I'm not, I'm ANGRY!!" I shouted, raising the pan again, though I didn't really notice until he flinched.

When I looked at it, it had a huge dent in it, about the size and shape of my attacker's head. A burly security guy arrived at that point and asked me if I could describe him and I said, "Yes, he's about this tall, and he has a huge lump on his forehead!!" which made them both laugh, and that oddly enough calmed me down. I was shaking at that point, but not because I was scared. Because I was furious! Seriously, did he think I wouldn't react?? Or that I would just squeal and huff indignantly??

Fortunately, I didn't have to pay for the pan. My big, line-backer sized stocker took it away from me and handed me an undamaged one while Mr. Security rattled a description of Mr. Grabby-Hands off on his radio. And another stocker brought me something cool and theoretically soothing to drink without me asking. I say "theoretically" because I suspect it was massively caffeinated. It was sort of brown and frothy with a chocolaty sort of taste, and a little nutmeg, I think, and I was suddenly wired liek whoa!! Seriously, I think I was moving at warp two bazillion sixty after about two sips, and here it is, nearly twelve hours later and I'm still going!!

At least it was free.

They didn't find him, of course. They took my name and number and filed a incident report for their system and asked if they could report it to the local police, just in case, and I said, "Hell yes!!" and I had an escort for the rest of my shopping trip, plus an escort out to my car, just in case Mr. Grabby-Hands was lurking in the parking lot.

I think my dad would have been vastly entertained. Well, pissed, too, because somebody touched his girl, but entertained, because I knocked the snot out of that guy.

Wish I could have kept that pizza pan. It would have made a nice trophy!!

*shakes head*

The rest of the day just went downhill after that. All the stuff with soccer, my mom... aw, crap, I was supposed to call her back. *slaps forehead* Crappity, crap, crap!!

I SOOOOO need to go to bed. A nice session with the Husbandly One would probably work wonders on my nerves.

I also need to find out what the hell was in that drink!! I'm definitely not allowed to have it again!!

Book-squee...

Sunday, August 22nd, 2010 12:48 am
auntbijou: (Devilish)
So, I'm in the middle of Jasper Fforde's Lost in a Good Book, and I come across this:

I bought a ticket, hurried to the check-in and spent ten minutes listening to a litany of pointless antiterrorist questions.

"I don't have a bag," I explained. She looked at me oddly, so I added, "Well, I
did, but you lost it the last time I traveled. In fact, I don't think I've ever had a bag returned to me after tubing."

She thought about this for a moment and then said, "
If you had a bag, and if you had packed it yourself, and if you had not left it unattended, might it contain any of the following?"

She showed me a list of prohibited items and I shook my head.

"Would you like an in-drop meal?"

"What are my choices?"

"Yes or no."

"No."

She looked at the next question on her sheet.

"Who would you prefer to sit next to?"

"Nun or a knitting granny, if that's possible."

"Hmmmm," mused the check-in girl, studying the passenger manifest carefully. "All the nuns, grannies, and intelligent non-amorous males are taken. It's technobore, lawyer, self-pitying drunk, or copiously vomiting baby, I'm afraid."

"Technobore and lawyer, then."


--------- Lost in a Good Book by Jasper Fforde



Char is probably laughing herself silly at me right now, but I am getting seriously hooked. I mean... I actually had to stop reading this book for a short time, because... I got so stressed out when the main character's husband disappeared, and I couldn't help but take it personally!

And I am seriously in love with Pickwick the Dodo, and her "Plock, plock, plock." I want a dodo. I want a herd of dodo's wandering around in the backyard, nibbling on the vegetation and making "plock, plock" noises. Doesn't matter that they're extinct. I want one.

*brief discussion follows with the Husbandly One about the short story, "The Ugly Chickens"*

This is a relief, actually, because I've been in a bit of a reading bind, lately. I had picked up a newish Anne McCaffrey at the library, Catalyst, but... I just couldn't get into it. And the Husbandly One, who is a Vine Voice for Amazon and somewhere in their top 5000 for his reviews, sometimes gets freebies from Amazon if he's willing to review them. So, he gets books, and if he isn't interested, he gets Miss Priss or myself to read them and tell him what we think. Mind, the books we get are galley proofs that still need a lot of editing, and I try to keep that in mind, too, but... this last book THO got me... I couldn't read. It was a Mercedes Lackey book, Much Fall of Blood and I have to say, I had to give up halfway in because, seriously, the last time I was that confused, I was reading a somewhat incoherent fan-fiction. I'm hoping the copy I got was seriously preliminary because the story would leap perspective literally mid-paragraph. One second, I would be reading it from Character A's perspective, and the next, it would skip Characters B, C, D, and J, and leap all the way to Character Q. In the same sentence.

O_o????

It seriously screwed with Auntie's poor brain. And... I was never sure if we were Viking Werewolves, or Mongol vampires, or Viking Mongol Undead, or WHAT... because... well... like I said, let's hope this was just the extremely un-edited version, because O.O if it wasn't!!!

So, it was a very nice relief to get back in to a Thursday Next book.

And by the way, I recently finished My Life in France by Julia Child with Alex Prud'homme, and it was awesome I absolutely loved that book. It makes me wish very much that the movie "Julie & Julia" had been "Julia Child: My Life in France," instead. It would have been a much better movie, seriously.

And in case you're wondering at my sudden volubility, I have lost my voice (probably thanks to the stress of the last few days), and the Husbandly One has made me a very, very strong hot toddy, so Auntie is pleasantly squiffed. Plus, I am very, very tired after a rough day of shopping for school supplies... on the tax-free weekend.

Prolly should have had the hot toddy before going school supply shopping, because seriously... ugh.

Next year, I'll start buying in July, when the supply lists come out, and save myself the hassle. I don't get the grabby, pushy, shove someone out of the way so you can snatch the one out of the 250 other boxesof the same thing that someone else already has their hand on. I don't do touchy-feely; I do ouchy-bleedy.

Oh, yeah, one man in particular learned a very harsh lesson. Do not grab Auntie's bodacious booty and try to explain that it happened because you were making a grab for the glue-sticks, especially if the glue-sticks in question are at eye-level (and Auntie's bodacious booty isn't). Most especially, don't do this in front of your wife.

I am sure he'll regain hearing in that ear... someday.

And now, my dear ones, I am going to pour myself into bed. Goodnight!
auntbijou: made by <lj comm=lvlwings_icons> (Delicious Hot Schmoes!)
Dear Mom,

I just wanted to apologize for being the kind of kid who asked rapid-fire questions almost non-stop, the kind of questions that make a parent stop and go, "Wait, WHAT??" and promptly have an accident in the middle of an intersection.

The fact that Dad never did is either testament to y'all's patience, your skills at distracting me, or his awesomely fast reflexes or superior driving skills.

I haven't either, and I'm not sure why. But I can tell you this...

I now know why female animals sometimes eat their young.

So, I just wanted to say, Mom, I'm sorry, and thank you so much for allowing me to survive long enough to become an adult.

losing her patience one question at a time,

Auntie
auntbijou: (icon by <lj user="odyssey">)
Well, my iMac is now up and running, after a complete hard drive replacement. *sigh* And for Christmas, the Husbandly One and I decided to forgo gifts for each other, and bought an external hard drive instead.

Not that we didn't get each other gifts, anyway. I filled a basket with little flavored coffee samples, and a cool Christmas mug, as well as his favorite treat, a Terry's Chocolate Orange, and he got me Spirit Tracks for my DS. Heh. I'm currently in the top of the Snow Temple, battling Boss Fraaz, and it's got me... Fraazled. *snort of laughter* After he destroys the ice and flame torches, it becomes considerable harder to kill him, and it also doesn't help to have a nearly nine year old critic at my elbow. "Freeze him, Mom! Use your boomerang to collect ice from that spot he spit the ice at and hit him with it, so his flames go out! MOOOOM!! You MISSED it!!! No, no, now you have to collect the FLAMES!! The FLAMES, Mom!!! MOOOOOOOM!!!! YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!!!!"

Is it any surprise that I sometimes play my video games while hiding in the closet?

And hey, I won Zelda Phantom Hourglass FIVE TIMES!! Doesn't that give me any video game cred??

Anyhow, the iMac is running again, though the fan is now giving us fits. It speeds up, and then slows down, then speeds up, and slows down. I'm putting in a call to tech support to see if we need to bring it in again, or is this something we can deal with ourselves. *sigh*

This has been a strangely stressful Christmas, with only a few stress-free moments. Christmas Eve at my best friend's for dinner, Christmas day with the kids, in which we watched them tear into their gifts with big grins and didn't worry about hurrying them up and getting them fed, cleaned up, and dressed for the drive into Houston and Christmas at my sister's. Instead, we relaxed, took our time, enjoyed watching them discover the Nerf dart guns, the Nerf swords, the books, the video games, and their Asian snacks. Yes, you read that right. They love Ramune and Pocky, and whatever else THO finds at the little Asian market by where he works, and so we buy them every Christmas, and sometimes at Easter, too! I think this year, there were some little chocolate filled pretzels called "Pucca." The jury's still out on that one. Some sort of milk-flavored candy with a lemony back-taste that I'm still making up my mind about, and a cherry flavored gum that I want more of, and even now, I'm resisting rummaging in the kids' rooms to find. Miss Priss got some manga, and I found Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Demigod Files when I went shopping with the Tall Blonde, so that was in there, too. Mr. Impossible got a new DS Lite to replace the one that died last August, due to much abuse. It took the old one dying for him to understand why THO and I kept insisting that he put the thing down when he got frustrated. I will make a recommendation to any parents on my list who have purchased a DS system for their little ones, or who have kids who are a bit on the accident prone side; Nerf Armor. Nerf makes "armor" for the DS systems. It's soft, cushy, and more importantly, shock-absorbing. Buy this. Seriously. Your wallet (and sanity) will love you for it!

And the Husbandly One bought a PS2 system as a family gift, as well as a few games, most notably Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, which the kids (especially Little Man) sorely missed after we replaced our PC with a Mac. As you can imagine, Harry Potter got played. A LOT.

After breakfast, and a morning of playing games, and just hanging out, we went to go see "Avatar" and were completely blown away. Went home, and all was well.

Saturday, however. *palm-forehead* Jays, I was so stressed out, because we were supposed to drive into Houston to the Blonde Sister's, and my asthma started acting up just to make things MORE fun, and the kids were squabbling, and oh, I just didn't want to go, but I sucked it up and got in the car, and we left. And yes, I know that sentence is all rambly, but you know, I think it describes the mood and feel perfectly!

However, we'd barely gotten 30 miles into the trip when the Impertinent Daughter piped up from the back seat with, "Um... I'm not sure if I unplugged the hot glue gun before we left. It's sitting on my clock radio, and I don't remember if I unplugged it."

I thought the Husbandly One was going to swallow his tongue. HE was stressed out, because yours truly was stressed out, and that was just... the icing on the cake. Because... we had to turn around and go back. Even after she frantically remembered that yes, she had unplugged the hot glue gun, the Husbandly One and I looked at each other grimly, each of us picturing the same thing: returning home Saturday night to a pile of ashes. Not. An. Option.

So, I dug out my phone to tell the Blonde Sister we weren't coming, knowing it would sound like the Lamest Excuse Ever, but... *shrugs* And why was this a problem? Well... it takes about 3 hours for us to get to Houston. We had left the house just after 11, and we wanted to be at the Blonde Sister's around 2:30 or so, and we were not planning on staying overnight. Returning home to check things out, and then getting back on the road would mean us getting to Houston sometime around 5, and then having to drive home that night. Driving home at night after such a stressful day is... exhausting. We've done that too many times as it is. So... once we were home, we were home. End of story.

And the damn glue gun was... unplugged. Naturally.

So... we went shopping instead, and picked up a few things, let the kids spend their Christmas money, that sort of thing. Got the Impossible Son some new sneakers, and got our usual shock of, "What, his shoes have been too small???" and stared at the new shoes on his feet, thinking they were just too damn big, until he took them off and we realized his feet were just too damn big, too, so, you know he's going to have a growth spurt soon... AAAAUUUUGGHHH!!!! WHERE DID MY BABY GO???

Obviously, the same place my wild fairy child went. *sigh*

Well, we'll probably go to Houston on New Year's Day and leave the presents for my great niece and great nephew there (yes, Auntie is old enough to be a great aunt, now), as well as my mom. In the meantime, I plan to enjoy the rest of winter vacation with the Husbandly One and my kids. Maybe we'll go see "Sherlock Holmes," today. That would be awesome!

I hope everyone's holidays are going well, and that you all got everything you wanted, and maybe even something you didn't know you wanted, but were delighted to get anyway!

Love,

Auntie!

P.S. You know, my contribution to [profile] harry_holidays was way out of my comfort zone, but I was happy with it. And I'm trying very hard not to check it every single day to see how many comments its collected. But I will admit, I am looking forward to when I can post it with my name on it, and see what happens. *mischievous grin*

After breakfast, and much playing around with the new stuff
auntbijou: (Calcifer)
I have to say that by and large, my kids are pretty well behaved. Usually, if I talk to them before we go shopping, or to a movie, or out anywhere in public, they keep the usual sibling picking and bickering to an absolute minimum. And mostly, during this summer where I've been feeling so lousy, they've been careful not to waste Mom's energy in having to curb their arguments.

But, you know, that can't last forever, they're human children, after all, right? The Impertinent One only has so much patience with her Little Bother and his persistent questions, Energizer Bunny bounciness, or his off-key singing. She'll put up with it as long as she can stand it and then... the picking begins.

Soon, I hear him shout, "Stop it!" and then... he retaliates.

And then she complains that he's "hurt" her. He's punched her in the arm, and it's practically broken it! Of course, I'm skeptical. I mean, this is a girl I have watched get straight-armed during a soccer game, watched her get knocked to the ground and bounce back up, fierce as ever, watched her get hit, and hardly flinch.

I also know that Mr. Manzie pulls his punches when he hits his sister.

So... I give them both the Hairy Eyeball, fuss at them for fighting, take away privileges (No more Nintendo! No Wii for three days!), and leave it at that. Peace will reign for as long as half an hour, sometimes. Or the rest of the shopping trip, at least.

Yesterday, though... I don't know. It started off well, but then the Impossible Son got all excited about markers, and pencils, and this year they get to use pens, and he interrupted the Impertinent Daughter when she was trying to tell me some endlessly complex story that involved a lot of back-tracking (and I admit, I don't have a lot of patience for that, though I do try, really hard)...

... and then I saw the school uniforms hanging on racks... AT THE GROCERY STORE.

O_O

Um... school uniforms? I blinked and stared. There they were, racks of khaki and navy blue shorts, slacks, and skirts, with white and dark blue polo shirts, hanging there in the grocery store.

They've never sold school uniforms at our grocery store, which is the only one in town.

Now, I have been checking the elementary and junior high websites regularly this summer, especially since the woman who had been principal at the junior high, the woman responsible for the dress-code shenanigans of the past two years, was elected to the school board and became the school board president. I've been expecting to hear about district wide uniforms, or at least a district wide dress-code change, but... there's been nothing.

However, it would be very like them to spring the change on us on the first day of school. They've done that before. So... I was considerably freaked out, as you can imagine.

The kids got quiet, and were cooperative for about 25 minutes. And... it all went downhill from there. Very frustrating. Even worse, I couldn't find all the things on the list at the grocery store, so... I had to go to WalMart.

And y'all know I just LOVE to go to WalMart (is being very sarcastic).

And guess what was hanging in neat rows in the clothing departments? You guessed it, khaki and navy shorts, skirts, and slacks, with white and navy polo shirts.

I ignored that, and headed straight for the school supplies. It briefly got better there, but fell apart to the point that I had to send Miss Priss to another aisle for HER things, while I went to another aisle with Mr. Manzie for HIS.

But she had to stay with us when we went to look for a new backpack for the Impossible Son.

I don't even want to talk about it.

Let's just say, it should be a lesson to the Impertinent One that most eight year old boys do not appreciate having a Tinkerbell backpack put on their backs where any of their friends might see it.

Worse? I have to go back to get a backpack today. And it's the tax free weekend... starting today.

*whine*

I have posted this photo before, during my "Week in the Life" meme a couple of summers ago. But I'm posting it again. Because I think it is most representative of the relationship between my kids.

Noogies!!

She calls him, "Little Bother." I think that says it all.

GYAAAAHHHH!!!!

Thursday, August 20th, 2009 04:56 pm
auntbijou: (Calcifer)
Okay, next year? Remind me to never, never, ever again go school supply shopping ALONE with my kids. No, seriously, put it on your calendars for August of next year, "Remind Auntie DO NOT GO SCHOOL SUPPLY SHOPPING ALONE WITH YOUR KIDS!!"

And then remind me, over and over again.

*bangs head into wall repeatedly*
auntbijou: (Default)
Well, after weeks of eating virtually everything in sight, the Impertinent Daughter had a growth spurt and is probably within one to two inches of being as tall as I am.

It hit me when I was watching her referee a game, and she had turned sideways to me. I thought, "Hmmm, the little pudge she was getting seems to be gone..." And I frowned and realized she hadn't eaten like a ravening, starving wolf the last couple of days, and I thought, "Ah... growth spurt." But it didn't sink in until later that afternoon, when we'd gone into San Marcos to get her some new athletic shoes. She was standing there in her socks, and I had just straightened up from listening to something the Impossible Son wanted to tell me and it hit me...

We were almost eye to eye.

The Husbandly One turned at my gasp, and his eyes went wide and he said, "Auntie, take off your shoes."

So I did.

And it was even more apparent.

*shrieks*

And the Impossible Son has had his own growth spurt. His legs are impossibly long right now, and his shorts are far too short all of a sudden. His feet look too big, and he's clumsy. I think he's about to grow again, and I can't help but think, "But, we just bought you three new pairs of jeans!!!"

My kids are both going to be taller than me. And possibly taller than THO, as well.

*sigh*

In other news, there is a squirrel in our backyard who is getting a little too... demanding. It's not like we're feeding him or anything. But he likes to come to the window where I'm sitting on the computer and peer in, and he whisks his tail and flirts with me. If the window is open, I talk to him, silly nonsense things like, "Hey, Booger, what's up? Find all your nuts yet? Hey, stop digging in my oregano, I just planted seeds in there, you damn squirrel!" etc. However, he has now reached the point where if the window isn't open, or I don't talk to him or make some acknowledgement of his presence, well... he gets a little ... squirrelly. See?

click to see the squirrel, if you like )

And that's not if the cardinals are at the window, chirping at me like I need to fill the feeders, or something. Except... we don't have feeders out, and haven't since we moved here. We used to keep bird feeders at the 21 House, but not at the Alamo house because... all the cats who got dumped in the neighborhood showed up at our house, and having a bird feeder would have been like serving appetizers...

Apparently, the folks who lived here before us had feeders out, not only for the cardinals, but for hummingbirds, too, because they buzz me when I'm working in the garden in the mornings or the evenings. I just about went cross-eyed last week when I stood up from clearing a bed by the porch and found a rather annoyed hummingbird hovering inches from my nose. If ever a hummingbird could look pissed off, this one definitely was, and ranted at me for about ten seconds before zipping off. It reminded me of my father-in-law, and the hummers at their place up near Texarkana. He always knew when he needed to refill the feeders, because they'd dive bomb him the second he came out of the house. I always wanted to get him one of those hummingbird feeders on a hat so he could sit on his front porch and watch them from up close! *snorts with laughter*

And we no longer have cardinals nesting in the jasmine vines on the front porch. Their nest has been taken over by a pair of vermillion flycatchers. Which aren't nearly as laid back as the cardinals were about our going in and out of the house. They fly off the moment they hear the door knob turning, or when they see us walking up to the front porch. They'd better get used to it, though, because I don't plan to start creeping in and out my back door just to make them happy!

Well, I must get about my day. I think I might finish clearing out that bed in the front yard and plant giant purple zinnias, some golden coreopsis... hmmm... maybe some alyssum, too... or should I plant bee balm?

*wanders off, thinking gardening thoughts...*
auntbijou: (Default)
What a day.

Ran some errands, though I found to my great irritation when I got home that I had forgotten to pick up rooting hormone for my rose cuttings, and teflon tape. It doesn't help that our local WalMart is remodeling, so you can't find anything. I swear, it's like going on a treasure hunt every time I go in, and not the fun kind. Half the time, even the employees can't help you because... they don't know where anything is, either. And I must say, I find their method of grouping merchandise eccentric, if not just plain entertaining.

Anyone want to explain why I found two shelves of sanitary napkins in the paint department?

And hey, you know, every time I go shopping for underwear, you know I'm really thinking about pork rinds, right? So, I guess it's handy to have them right there in the big middle of the women's bras and such.

*shakes head*

And the fabric department is gone. Not that I was wild about the fabric they had, but I didn't mind buying, say, denim, or tapestry fabric, etc, at WalMart, and it beat driving into Austin or San Marcos when I was in a pinch. Now, though... *grimaces*

I've dug and created a bed at the end of the back porch, and added compost to amend it a bit. The folks who lived here before us left the head and foot of a metal bed frame in the garden, I guess to provide architectural interest. I'm going to put the head in the bed I just dug, and plan to plant moon vine there. I love moon flowers. They're big and fragrant, and bloom in the evenings. I planted them at our first house in this area, and loved watching the sphinx moths come out to sip nectar from them. We used to deliberately wear white shirts so the moths would fly up to us land on us. They were so cool!

I'm hoping to plant purple hyacinth bean against the back fence, too. That won't bloom until August/September, but it will be so pretty when it does! And the hummingbirds love it.

I want to clear some of the flower beds in the front yard, but for some odd reason, I can only work out there for a very short time before I start feeling extraordinarily bad. Like, "Oh, gods, I have to go to hook up the nebulizer and go straight to bed," bad. And we have no idea why. There is no obvious difference between the front yard and back yard unless...

*is suddenly thoughtful*

In other news, I have discovered that the Impertinent Daughter will not find out if she's made the 7th grade soccer team at her school until the day before their first game. Which is on Thursday... this week.

They only started tryouts/practice last week.

O_o

You know, when I was in swimming, we started practicing for the season (which was November through May, though it didn't get really competitive until February) in September. And we started basketball practice in early October for the season that ran from November through April.

I find it sort of nuts to start soccer practices a week before the season starts. And what really blows my mind?

A lot of the girls trying out have either never played before or... they only started playing last year.

Out of 33 girls that were trying out, I only recognized maybe... eight, that played in our league. And one that I know plays select outside our league. So that's... twenty four girls with little or no experience.

o_O

*does not know what to think*

Well... it should be an... interesting season!

Oy... what a day!
auntbijou: (Default)
Sometimes, it takes a complete stranger to give you perspective.

THO wanted to look at pickup trucks at a CarMax in Pflugerville, so... we went. I have to admit I'm not wild about getting a truck right now, since the mileage is lousy on most of them, but I do recognize the necessity, and besides, it was just to look, not buy. So, we loaded up the kids and drove to Pflugerville, which is about a 45 minute drive from where we live.

I expected the kids to be a bit restless, which was why this was just a look and not buy trip. Learned our lesson when we bought the minivan... do not bring the kids with us to buy a car.

Well, they were glad to be out of the car, and were more than willing to climb in and out of the truck THO wanted to look at in particular, and I'm sure it didn't help that I had a pounding headache. Still, I didn't have to fuss that much, mostly, "Settle down," and "No, you may not climb over the backs of the seats!" I didn't have to fuss at them (meaning mostly at the Impertinent Daughter) for picking at each other. Still, I guess the headache magnified things for me, and I felt they were being the Most Horrible Children in the History of Horrible Children.

It was when we were done and getting ready to leave that the salesman turned to me and said, "Your children are really well behaved."

I automatically put on my Patient Mom face and turned to say something like, "Next time I'll feed them a bag of sugar before we come," or "Don't worry, we'll leave and never come back," because I was expecting sarcasm, and didn't realize it wasn't there. Fortunately, the Husbandly One swooped in before Auntie could drop a brick and said, "Thank you. You know, we don't often get compliments about our kids."

The salesman nodded and said, "They're energetic, but it's pretty obvious they love each other. I'm just watching the way they're acting, and even though they're getting into things, they do stop the moment y'all tell them to. And they're teasing each other, but I don't see any hair pulling or shin kicking. They're teasing each other, because they like each other, you know."

And all of a sudden, all the things that they were doing that had been so magnified by my headache shrank down and I saw that they were actually being pretty good.

We went to eat after that, and I sat there kind of bemused, watching both the kids as I ate, listening to them talking to each other, and to THO, and thinking, wow, am I just bracing myself constantly for them to be badly behaved, or overly excited, and therefore setting myself up for it all?

Perhaps.

Maybe I need to loosen up a little.

Maybe I need to realize that the little talks we have before we go anywhere, where I tell them what behavior will be acceptable and what will not, like climbing onto displays or cartwheeling down aisles, are actually working, and they're both old enough to know how to behave now without those talks. And without my having to constantly fuss.

That or maybe I need some really heavy tranquilizers!

The thought occurs to me, too, that I need more one-on-one time with each child, too. Because when I run errands, or do things with just one kid, well... it's enjoyable, and less fraught with the competition of trying to get more of Mom's attention.

Like I said, sometimes, it takes a stranger...

If I seem distant and lost in thought today, well... I'm just thinkin' things over...

Better day...

Sunday, March 1st, 2009 09:52 am
auntbijou: (Default)
Yesterday was a much better day for me. For one thing, the weather changed, and for another, I had had my inhaler prescription refilled earlier in the week and finally started using the new one.

Low oxygen levels make Auntie somewhat of an idiot.

I actually got out of the house for a while. Of course, it was to do some necessary shopping, but still... I GOT OUT OF THE HOUSE!! YAY!!!

*laughs*

Today, I keep smelling smoke, and it's probably from the huge fire over in Bastrop. Yesterday was a red flag day, due to high winds, and extremely low humidity, so we weren't too surprised to see a huge smoke plume to the east when we were out and about with our errands. I knew it was over in Bastrop, but just figured it was a grassfire.

It wasn't. It was a combination grass and forest fire, and it burned over 650 acres, destroying 25 homes and 9 businesses, and I think it's still going. The wind isn't as gusty today, though the humidity is still low, so hopefully, firefighters will be able to get a handle on it and contain it.

It's so dry here. Central Texas was upgraded several months ago from "extreme drought" to "exceptional drought," and two weeks ago, our county commissioners applied for federal disaster aid because... yes, we've been declared a disaster area. Remember those little green tufts of grass among the brown in the photo of my bare feet I took last summer for the "week in the life" meme? Well... those are gone.

The Husbandly One and I wonder if it's even worth bothering with a vegetable garden, especially as we'll probably be under water restrictions. Won't be the first time, and we can always do as we did before, recycling water from the showers and the kitchen to water the garden. It's just... troublesome.

I'm wondering how the farmers out here feel, whether it's worth bothering planting corn (which does not like drought), cotton (which doesn't mind drought, but would much prefer water), maize (drought? we're in a drought? Oh), or soybeans (WAAATER, WAAATER, we NEEDZ it!!), or should they just raise hay and hope?

And remember the heat we had on Friday? Well... yesterday, it barely got up into the fifties here (thanks to the wind) and today should be a bit warmer. All I can say is, this is going to be an interesting weather year for us!

I know I'm a bit scattered today. Blame the albuterol. It makes me shake, makes me loopy, and makes me babble. So, I'm off for a warm shower where I can babble in peace and not bother a soul.

♥ to everyone who commented recently. I couldn't get back to y'all, but I read every single one!
auntbijou: (Default)
Yesterday was a lot of fun! Of course, it didn't start out so promising, because a cold front moved in yesterday morning. The Husbandly One thought he'd have to cancel soccer practice for his little U-8 team but it didn't rain long (darn it! because we NEED it!), so he went ahead and ran it. Unfortunately, it got colder and colder as practice went on, so they all needed thawing out when they got home!!

I had stayed home, because the Asthma Monster tried to make an appearance, but I banished him with a few shots of albuterol! Then... we went into Austin.

This was surprising, because usually, when we take the trouble to drive into Austin, we have a specific goal in mind, and we usually plan the trip out so that we can do all the shopping we need to do, plus a stop to eat something, and we usually leave early. Like ten o'clock or so.

But, THO came in while I was typing away busily and said, "Let's go to the Asian store over by where I work and see if we can get some more Ramune and Pocky!" And... it was after 3.

It was an impulse trip that utterly worked out!!

We went to Asahi Imports, which is very small, but extremely cool. I might go by myself at some later date so I can shop at my leisure without worrying about the Impossible Son knocking things over in his eagerness to look (he's as clumsy and accident-prone as I was at that age), so I can look at their bento supplies. Didn't end up buying anything, but it was worth a trip! Then we went to a shop next door called "Dragon's Lair" which had a WALL OF MANGA!!! OMG!!

The Impertinent Daughter found a couple she couldn't live without, and the Impossible Son got a Pokemon manga he liked. Then, as we were leaving, I said, "Hey, isn't there a Half Price Books somewhere around here?"

"There used to be," the Husbandly One said slowly. "They moved it, but... yeah, why not?"

Well, it wasn't THAT close by anymore, but we went anyway and got MORE manga *YAY!!* I got my hand on Trinity Blood 1 (yes, that's totally your fault, [profile] ladybastet) as well as a couple of others I've been wanting, and at... half the price (HEE!). And I got my hands on a good edition of Jane Austen's Persuasion which I've been wanting to read for quite some time.

The Impertinent Daughter found another handful of manga that she wanted or was interested in, the Impossible Son found a computer game he wanted, and THO found some books HE wanted. All in all, a most successful trip!

Then we went to Mooyah Burgers and Fries for dinner and had... burgers and fries!! Well, they had fries... I still can't LOOK at french fries since our Christmas From Hell. Even looking at the WORD right now is making me queasy!!

Then home. It was a most successful trip! Only downside was when we got home, I was overcome with the most abominable full body itching I've had in years, and tried to knock it back with Benadryl. Judging by the pattern of the itching (more intense on my scalp, face, neck, shoulders, back, and chest), I'm starting to react to my shampoo. *grimace*

Oh well!

I wonder what adventures we'll have today?? *is gleefully eager, if itchy*

What do you do...

Saturday, December 13th, 2008 09:21 am
auntbijou: (Default)
The Impertinent Daughter has gone with the Husbandly One to a referee clinic in San Marcos today. She is officially old enough now to serve as a referee for the U6, U8, U10, and U12 groups, and even up to U18 (but for now, we'll stick to the younger leagues). Since she's trying out for her school's soccer team this spring, she's decided not to play rec-league soccer, so, she'll referee instead. This should be fun, especially with the U6 group. The youngest group plays three on three, with no goalies, and no score is kept, but it's so much fun to watch! Mostly because at that age level, it's all about getting them to run in the right direction, remember to actually kick the ball, and not get distracted by passing butterflies.

Sometimes, you end up with six little kids in a tangled circle, all of them kicking the ball at the same time, their little faces scrunched up with determination, and someone, usually the coaches, has to go in and rescue the ball by separating the players. Oh, that's right, the coaches are on the field, helping to direct the game. They can't kick the ball or touch it, they can only direct their players ("Keep kicking the ball! Keep kicking the ball! No, don't stop running, no, run and kick the ball, YES! There you go!!). It can be convulsively funny, and I can't tell you how many times I have had to hide my face in a jacket or a shirt to hide the fact that I was laughing myself silly!

I'm looking forward to watching Miss Priss trying to sort all this out. It should be interesting!

In the meantime, while they are off gallivanting through the FIFA rulebook, the Impossible Son and I will be having a special day all to ourselves. A "Mama and Impossible Son" day, if you will. He wants to go to China Palace for lunch, and then we will go see "Bolt," since he has been wanting to see that for some time now. The last time we had a day to ourselves like this, we went to see "Ratatouille" which was surprisingly good (I actually hadn't expected much from it). I am hoping "Bolt" will also surprise me in a good way. It's funny how something I'll anticipate as being good will suck, and something I'll wince at seeing, and have to be dragged to will actually turn out well.

After that, I guess we'll either go window shopping, or hit one of the parks, or some such. Hmmmm... a trip to the local state park (since we have free passes) for a bit of kid-sized hiking would probably not be a bad idea. Or maybe we'll get some ice cream. We both love ice cream.

Hee!

This, of course, is if I don't poop out on him (which is entirely possible). Guess I'll be ingesting mass quantities of caffeine so I can keep up with him!

Oh, and before I forget, happy birthday to [profile] tilla_tormentosa! I hope it's a good one without too much drama!!
auntbijou: (Default)
Today has been an interesting, and tiring, day.

There's the hurricane, of course. This morning, it looked like we would still get hurricane force winds, even way up here in Central Texas. So, of course, folks here in my little town freaked.

*shakes head and sighs*

I needed to go grocery shopping, not just for "just in case" but because we were getting really short, thanks to high gas prices. Anyhow, THO got paid, and I went early, though after I got there, I realized I hadn't gone early enough. Apparently, I should have started at say, 6 a.m.

I expected the store to be short on obvious things. Water. Crackers. Tuna fish. Duct and masking tape. Batteries. Baby formula. You know, the usual.

I didn't expect to find almost all the apples, save the Red Delicious, gone.

O_o???

I wasn't aware apples were such an important hurricane supply. Of course, I couldn't blame folks for leaving the Red Delicious apples behind. Personally, I like my apples to have a little flavor, you know?

The potatoes were gone, too. So was all the ramen, except the chicken flavor. And all the Softsoap antibacterial soaps. There were some other things, but I can't remember them off the top of my head now, but I do remember getting this oddly bizarre picture in my head of people sitting in their houses while the wind roars overhead, drinking gallons of water, and munching on raw potatoes and apples.

Oh, yes, the water... THO bought water last night. We always buy a case at the beginning of soccer season, using it for both soccer and for school. So, we were okay, but the Impossible Son's teacher had asked for small water bottles for her class, so I thought I'd look and see if there were any left.

Who was I kidding, really?

All the less expensive water was gone, and the stockers were putting out the cases of Dasani, and hauling out the more expensive stuff as well. And to my surprise, I saw people buying case, after case, after case. One man who was old enough to know better, really, had loaded up two baskets, and turned to his wife. "Better get another basket, honey," he said over his shoulder, "I don't think this is going to be enough."

I couldn't help it. Normally, I would have shook my head and just walked on by, but I was so stunned that I blurted, "Dude, just what exactly do you think is going to happen???"

"There's a hurricane coming!" he said earnestly. "We have to be prepared!"

"We are in Central Texas!" I said after blinking a few times. "It won't be near as bad here as it will on the coast!"

I really should have known better. There is a breed of male out here that... well, normally, they're polite to women, they open doors for them, they defend them, stand up when one walks into the room, etc... as long as she is quiet and respectful. And I admit it, I wasn't exactly respectful in this case. Write it down to shock, if you will, because I was. This breed gets very huffy and easily offended when us gals get... sassy. They get riled. And I must have really tweaked him, because he drew himself up, puffed out his chest, and said in very disapproving tones, "Young lady, this is serious, this is a very dangerous storm, and you just don't have any idea..."

And I very rudely interrupted and said, "Sir, I grew up in Houston. I've been through several hurricanes and many tropical storms, and I'll tell you right now, unless you got 20 or 30 people coming to stay at your house, you are not going to need that much water. In the meantime, you got a long line of people behind you, waiting to buy water for their families. And there's not a lot of water still sitting on the shelves. So... what you going to do?"

He stared at me, then looked around and saw what he'd been too busy to notice. That there were a lot of people standing there, waiting, like I had said, and watching him with expressions that went from amusement to downright hostility, and he turned to his wife, who had never left, by the way, and said grudgingly, "Guess we don't need that other basket after all."

*snort*

Guess I should have checked his basket to see if he had apples and potatoes, too!

I called my mom after I got home to see if they had been ordered to evacuate, and to just generally feel them out. The area of Houston they live in very rarely floods, so they'll be safe enough from that. It's wind damage I'm worried about. When Alicia hit in 1983, there was no flooding, but a tree fell over into their yard, missing the house by inches and ripping the power lines, as well as the breaker box, off the house and damaging part of the roof. Hopefully, they'll be okay.

The ones I am truly worried about are the Practical Sister and her family. They live in League City, and decided not to evacuate. Perhaps I should rename her the "Flaky" Sister. *shakes head* I can't control everything. I asked, and she told me not to be such a worrywart, that they'll be fine, and to try to convince Mother (PS calls her "Mother" while the Blonde One and I call her "Mom") to let the Blonde Sister come get her and Daddy and take them home with her. Mom said no, because the Blonde Sister's neighborhood floods easily.

Six of one, half a dozen of the other.

Well, at this point, I absolutely refuse to worry about it. For now, I'll just keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best. It's really all I can do at this point.
auntbijou: (Default)
I meant to post about this yesterday, but first, I was too excited, and then I got caught up in all the bed-time ritual stuff, and I was on IM... so...

THE HUSBANDLY ONE BOUGHT ME A CAMERA!!!!

We had some final clothes shopping to do for Miss Priss before our trip to D.C. next week, because she, of course, had a growth spurt, and thus, most of her warmer clothes no longer fit. Very frustrating. And she's right at that in-between stage. You know, between the Girl's department, and Teens? So... we did a lot of back and forthing, and while we were doing that, THO and Mr. Manzie were doing their own thing. When we were done, we found the guys in Electronics, and THO had a bag he tried to hide. Then he gave up and handed it to me with a big grin. I peeked inside, and I'm pretty sure they heard me squealing all the way to San Antonio.

It's a Nikon D40. OMG, YAY!!!

He shrugged and said, "You know, I was going to get a smaller camera, and then I thought, you know what? Let's go ahead and invest in a really good camera, one that we'll have for years, and that we'll use without cursing!"

*laughs*

We have a little POS camera (translated for those not in the know as "piece of shit") which constantly drives us crazy. The flash works only when it wants to, and never when you need it. Sometimes, there's a four second lag between the time you click the shutter, and the time it actually takes the picture... and sometimes, it's 15 seconds. In other words, right when you've finally given up on the damn thing taking the picture... it takes it.

So, it's lovely to have a good camera, and one that is so flexible, and I CAN FOCUS THE DAMN THING, YAY!!!

This doesn't mean I'm giving up my Canon AE-1, no, no, no, because I LOVE my Canon, and I've had such adventures with it, and I'll never lose my love of film, and all the cool things you can do with it.

But I love the idea of a digital camera that you can use different lenses on and... okay, I'm hitting the babbling srage, but OMG!!! I can't believe he got me a camera!!! WOOT!!! I'M GONNA GO TAKE ME SOME PICTURES, YAY!!!!
auntbijou: (Default)
This is how awful my kids were being today.

We were at the grocery store, finishing up our shopping with getting the last school supplies on our list.  I was looking for zipper sandwich bags, and a gay couple walked up while I was simultaneously trying to search for the right bags, keep the Impertinent Daughter from blocking the aisle, and keep the hyperactive ballistic missile that was my son from...well... basically destroying the world as we know it.  While not sounding like a raving lunatic.  So, while I was trying to keep my train of thought from being derailed, the gay couple is also looking for zippered bags, and I imagine they were a bit nervous around me, because I know I was getting seriously snarly at this point.  Finally, they get their bags and start moving past, and they must have thought they were out of earshot, because the one said, "You know, this is why I am glad we can't have children."

His partner snorts and says, "Well, you know, we can always adopt."

The first one said, "Um... let's not."

Yes.  My children.  Some days, they are poster kids for birth control, and today was definitely one of them!
auntbijou: (Default)

Okay, so we were doing another of our Marathon Shopping trips today.  One, the kids' feet grew, so we had to get new cleats and shinpads for them.  And new balls, of course, because the Impertinent Daughter and the Impossible Son are both very hard on their soccer balls (footballs for the Brits on my list), and they develop slow leaks, or just... die.  In fact, the two balls we most recently retired came from the British Soccer Camp (that was the official name, honest!) that they attended LAST summer, and have lasted longer than any other balls we've ever gotten them.  Too bad we can't get more!

Anyhow, we also needed to replace our old computer desk, and finish school clothes shopping.  Marathon shopping, indeed.  Of course, on days like this, the kids are either really, really good... or they're horrid.  Today... they were horrid.  

So, after we'd gotten item number three done, we realized a large part of their misbehavior was hunger, so, we decided we needed to go eat.  However, we'd passed the exit for the restaurant we wanted to go to (Black-Eyed Pea), and the Husbandly One decided it was worth it to turn around and go back.  While we were discussing this quietly in the front seat, the kids were goin' all catty-whompus in the back seat, and never heard a word.  So, after the Husbandly One exited the freeway and turned around, Miss Priss says, "Where are we going?"

Exasperated, the Husbandly One said, "Dallas.  We're all going to Dallas."

Miss Priss frowned, and Mr. Impossible scowled.  "Dallas?  Why are we going to Dallas?" she asked.

"Because we FEEL like it!" I said enthusiastically.  "We haven't been to Dallas in AGES so, we just decided, hey, let's just GO!!"

"I don't want to go to Dallas!" whined Mr. Manzie.  

"I'm HUNGRY!" whined the Daughter.

THO was struggling not to laugh.  "You can eat in Dallas," he said, snorting.

"Where are we REALLY going?" said the Impossible Son, scenting deception.

"We're going to eat," said THO.  "You said you were hungry, so we're going to eat."

"Where?" said the Skeptical Daughter, one eyebrow raised.

"The Shama-Lama Ding Dong, Super-Greasy, Extra Oily, Fried Catfish Cafe!!" I said.

"Wow," said the Husbandly One as both our children made horrified faces.  "You're evil.  I love you."

"I know," I said smugly. 

"The Shama-Hama, Whatsy What?" said our son, his face twisted up with the effort to be both amused and grossed out at the same time.

"The Shama-Lama Dingy Dongy whatever Catfish Grease Monkey," said the Husbandly One, mangling my contribution further.  "You know, the last time I ate there, I picked up my fried catfish adn squeezed it and BIG OL' globs of grease just OOZED out of it.  It filled an ENTIRE MIXING BOWL!!  It was GREAT!!"   He laughed.  "I could EAT and LUBE MY CAR, all in one go!!"

"Wow," I said, duly impressed.

"WE ARE NOT!!" both children shouted.

"We're going to the Black-Eyed Pea, you miscreants," I said, laughing.  "Next time, pay attention!"

Do you know, they weren't convinced until we were actually walking in that we weren't going to take them someplace gross?

I know, I know, I"m evil.  Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!

auntbijou: (Default)
I survived.  And you should all be very proud of me, because I didn't kill or assault anybody!  Not even the approximately 6000 pound man wearing concrete shoes who stepped on my poor little flip-flop clad foot and squashed my toe!!  I didn't hurt him much... I'm almost CERTAIN he didn't need that kidney where I poked him with three stiff fingers.  And I only did that when he GROUND his heel into my foot.  I'm sure they heard me yelling all the way to Canada!  Yeah, just imagine a Texas version of Suzanne Sugarbaker, yelling, "HEY!!!  THAT'S MY FOOT, YOU GRONK!!  YO!!  OFFA MY FOOT, OR I'M RIPPING YOUR BRAID OUT BY THE ROOTS!!"  

Of course, being 6000 pounds, it took him a while to react, until said poke in the kidneys.  Wow, men are AWFULLY sensitive in their kidneys, aren't they, ladies?  Heh...

Well, we survived the mall, and it wasn't as bad as I was fearing.  I think folks in Austin are much more civilized than the folks I shopped around in Houston.  Shopping at malls in Houston on big sale weekends is rather like rolling in blood, dressing like a seal, and throwing yourself into a tank of great white sharks.  Actually, I think I'd probably stand a better chance with the great white sharks, you know?  Anyhow, most of my worst experiences shopping on the Tax Free Weekend have come from going to places like outlet malls, and discount stores.  Never Again.  Ever.  I mean that, truly, and Charlotte, honey?  If I ever, EVER forget that, you have my permission to poke me in the kidneys.  Gently, please.  I'm old.

Anyhow, I found myself contemplating one of life's great mysteries as I tried to buy pants for the Impertinent Daughter.  Did I mention that our school district has come up with an extremely rigid dress code, to the point where it's practically a uniform, and I want to go to the next school board meeting, channeling Suzanne Sugarbaker again, and say, "Hey!!  You!  If it's practically a uniform already, why bother?  Why not just go ahead and CALL IT A DAMN UNIFORM!!  I mean, it's not like there's any great individuality being allowed here.  What exactly are you saving here? Really?"

I mean, okay, skirts and shorts for the girls have to go to the knees.  Not above the knees.  At or below the knees.  Have y'all been in the stores?  Do you see how long the shorts and skirts are?  Or should I say short?  Yes, all above the knee.  Except for the uniform shorts and skirts.  And, they are restricted to plain tee shirts, and polo shirts.  And what is this?  Yes, a SCHOOL UNIFORM!!!

*rolls eyes*

Okay, so I'm trying to buy pants for the Impertinent Daughter.  And she is at that extremely annoying stage of being between sizes, right between a 14, and a 16.  And we all KNOW they don't make 15.  No, because you see, that would make SENSE!!  The 16's aren't just too big, they are HUGELY too big!!  And the 14's are just too.... snug.  I mean, she can wear them as long as she doesn't do anything like... sit down.  Bend over.  Breathe.  Other than that, SHE'S GREAT!!

AAAUGH!!

So, after an abortive try at Dillard's, we go to Gap Kids.  And I grab a pair of 14 regulars.  We go into the dressing room.  She can't get them over her hips.  You see, unlike me, Miss Priss has hips.  I have no hips.  I am boy-shaped.  *sigh*  This resulted in me being mistaken for a boy all the way up into my twenties, unless I made an obvious effort to look feminine.  Anyhow, the daughter has hips.  Well, fine, I think.  We'll try 16's yet AGAIN.  But... they didn't have 16's in store, only online.  Great.  But the saleswoman looks at Miss Priss and says, "Why don't we try 12 plus?"

*blink blink*

Huh?

She looks thoughtfully at ID and says, "No, really.  We'll try 12 plus, and 14 plus, but I bet the 12's will fit."

Guess what?  The 12 plus fit PERFECTLY.  I won't even have to hem them.  She can bend over, sit, breathe, run, you name it.

I love the Gap.

The Impossible Son got jeans that fit (YAY), and the Husbandly One, who was supervising the fit, actually got it right.  I guess my throwing a Royal Hissy Fit last time made an impression.  Mr. Manzie looks so totally cool in his new school duds, and his shoes are "totally awesome."  (he wanted me to be sure to say it that way.  "Make sure you tell everybody my shoes are totally awesome.  Because they are.  They ROCK!")

He was a lot easier to fit, because the pseudo uniform thing only affects the junior high at present.  I'm not sure if it's at high school level (if it is, all I can say is, *snort*  Good luck with THAT). And I have to say, Mr. Manzie was incredibly patient with the bra shopping.  He only had to hang around with Papa, and walk around looking at housewares, at least while we were at Dillard's, but when we decided to shop instead at Gap Body, well, there wasn't as much to distract him with.  I thought the Husbandly One was going to DIE when Mr. Manzie grabbed a bra, poked experimentally at one very rounded cup, turned to look at me and piped in his high, clear voice, "Why is it shaped like THIS??  It looks like something you'd put tennis balls in.  Are women shaped like tennis balls?"

I struggled not to fall apart laughing, took a deep breath, and said, "No, not really.  Well, SOME women are, like.. Pamela Anderson, but that's another story.  No, that's to give the illusion of being shaped that way."

He frowned.  "So... women WANT people to think they're hiding tennis balls under their shirts?"

Y'all should be so proud of me, because I did not fall down, incoherent  with laughter.  No, I stood there, trembling, mouth twitching, snerking, while the Husbandly One fled, and the Impertinent Daughter stared at him wtih her mouth hanging open, then at me to see what the hell I was going to say.

"Yes, Little Man.  You could say that,  in a way, that's exactly what they want."

I know.  I'm evil.

Fortunately, he was distracted by the Husbandly One saying something about trains, and I was allowed to retreat to the dressing rooms where I'm sure my howls of laughter made the staff wonder if I was having a nervous breakdown.

Perhaps I was!

I was so glad when we were done!  The last thing we bought were shoes, one pair for Mr. Manzie, two for Miss Priss, and then it was off to Matt's El Rancho for dinner, then home!  I will tell you, I am never wearing flip-flops again for shopping.  Not only because my toe is squished and purple (man, I shoulda taken out BOTH his friggin' kidneys!!) but because they're just not shoes to wear for a long shopping haul.  

And now, I'm going to sink chin deep in a tub full of hot, steaming, lavender scented water and soak my aches away.  And I'm NOT going to think about the fact that we have still more shopping to do.  Nope, not gonna do it.   Nope, off to the tubby for me!!

May 2020

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