if it's not one thing...

Well, I'm finally getting some hair growing back in, thank goodness.  But, I totally need to buy a new winter coat.  Why? you ask, sensing yet another Auntie story in the making.  Well, because, dammit, my hair is short, and even though I'm a curvy sort of girl, evidently that ain't enough to identify me to certain clueless individuals as FEMALE!!  I mean, GEEZ, my hair isn't THAT short... is it?

So, I dropped the Impossible Son off at his kindergarten classroom, and I'm walking away, in a bit of a hurry because I've got a few errands to run and I want to hit the track.  What am I wearing?  My usual jeans, a long sleeved tee, and a khaki jacket.  And as I turn the corner, I hear, "Sir!  Sir!  You dropped something!  Sir!!  Sir??"

Took a few minutes for me to register that they were talking to ME!!!  WTF??

I stopped, not because I realized he was talking to me, I stopped to see if I could help, and turned around, only to see a guy, who was apparently another parent, hurrying toward me with my keys in his outstretched hand.  I'd been carrying Mr. Manzie on my back, and evidently, when I put him down, my keys flipped out of my pocket without my noticing.  I frowned.  "Um... those are MY keys," I said, seriously confused.  I even looked around to see if there was anybody else around.

"Yes, I know," he said and smiled at me, handing me my keys.  And he STROKED  my hand when he did it, which gave me the willies.  Because I don't like people I DON'T know touching me.  So I took a step back.

"Er, thanks."  And I turned to go.

"Hey, you have a kid here?"

"Um, two."  I was getting more and more confused by the moment.  He was sort of grinning at me.  Now, folks, you know Auntie is a little woman.  I'm about 5' 3" in my bare feet and while I'm not a girly sort of girl, I am a GIRL!  "Can I help you with anything?"  I'd never seen him before so I figured he was new.

He was looking at my left hand and I looked down and realized I wasn't wearing my wedding band.  I had taken it off last night because my hands were aching, especially my left one, which I broke many, many years ago.  I looked back up at him, and the light was beginning to dawn.  I couldn't believe this.  I really, REALLY couldn't believe this.  It was so SURREAL!!!

"So, can I buy you a coffee or something?"

I blinked.  "Thanks, but I'm not a big coffee drinker, and I'm expecting a call from my husband, so..."

Now he looked confused.  "Your husband?  What, did y'all go to Massachussetts or something?"

"No.  We got married here in Texas.  Why?"  Okay, I admit it, at this point, I started sort of enjoying it.  I mean, I was getting growly, but... there was this part of me that just wanted to fall over and die laughing, even if the other part of me wanted to howl with misery.

He sort of goggled.  "I...er... um..."

I let my jacket fall open, which I had pulled closed (because I was COLD, dammit!) and he stepped back.  "Whoa!"

"What?  Did Little Man get his cereal on me again?"  I looked down and brushed at my shirt.

"You're a... I mean... you're... and...I thought... but... you're just... and I... um...."

I just smiled.  "It was nice talking to you, but I really have to run now."  I turned and started walking for the door.  I got almost all the way to it before he said, lamely, "You're a WOMAN??"

YES!!!  HE'S GAY, AND HE THOUGHT I WAS A GUY!!!!  And he was HITTING ON ME!!!!

Okay, TELL me this isn't a reason to be depressed and eat both pints of Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie in one sitting.  Though I don't think there's enough chocolate on the planet to get me through this.  And oh, isn't the Husbandly One going to laugh his head off when he hears about this one! 

I am SO buying a NEW JACKET!!!!