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Life is like a box of chocolates...
Tuesday, March 10th, 2009 08:22 amTalking to my mom can be an adventure. Every time I get on the phone with her, it's a real toss-up. I never know if I'm going to get stories from her childhood...
"I failed English 6 in high school. Why? Well, you see, we were taking a test, and the girl sitting behind me tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and she asked me a question about something on the test, and I automatically answered it without thinking about it, because I was concentrating on the test. Only problem was, I was sitting right in front of the teacher's desk, and when I turned back around, she was glaring at me. I failed that test, and failed the class, all in one fell swoop. And when I told my homeroom teacher that I needed to talk to my English teacher about that grade, he said, 'Good luck with that, because she's gone.' My English teacher had left right after the test. She had joined the WACS and just got her orders to go. It was 1943."
... or stories from mine...
"You're always fixing things! You've been fixing things since you were a baby! I remember when you were barely two years old... oh... maybe you were almost three... I'm not so sure now, but you were very small, and I had been after your daddy to fix your high chair, because it had a wobble, and he kept putting it off and putting it off, and finally, you decided to take matters into your own hands and you started shaking your high chair and looking at the legs, and I couldn't imagine what you were trying to do! I told you to stop it, and I was folding towels into a basket, and got up to take them to the bathroom. It only took me about three minutes to put them away, and when I came back to the kitchen, you were crouched in front of the high chair with a screw driver in your hand! Scared me half out of my wits! You stood up, you were so proud of yourself, and you said, "Fix-ded it, Maman! I fix-ded it!" And when I checked, sure enough, the high chair didn't wobble any more!"
... then there's the oddball things...
"And when I got up this morning and went out to get the paper, I found out the city had installed a fire hydrant in the front yard!! I can't imagine why they put a fire hydrant in my front yard!! I mean... there's a fire hydrant across the street!! And when I went out to look at it, I saw there was another one three houses down!!! What is the city thinking??? Are they expecting a lot of fires around here? Should I be concerned??? Or are they suffering from a massive brain fart?? I tell you, Auntie, I don't know what to think!!! I think somebody screwed up some orders somewhere, and I can't help but think this is not going to end well!!"
...or the worries...
"Here's D and her husband, and they're supposed to be getting a divorce. I mean, he's filed the papers and everything and then the Flaky Sister gets home and what does she find?? They went out and bought a brand new $2000 television. With the income tax return. And they owe her money!! I don't think they're going to get divorced, I mean... who would get the TV??"
... and let's not forget, the just plain puzzling!!
"But, what I don't understand is all the people disappearing!! It's on the news every night, people are disappearing, being kidnapped, and no one knows where they're going!! It's terrible! Maybe you shouldn't come to Houston, I'd be so worried about the kids!! What if they disappeared?? Oh, Auntie, you have no idea, and the news every night!! The crime rate, and then this recession... it's so hard! I really don't understand all of it, and I'm just glad no one is going to try to kidnap a little old lady and her dog!! Oh, did I tell you, I found your drum major uniform from the drum corps... do you want me to have it cleaned? Maybe the Impertinent Daughter would like to wear it and play drum major or princess or something, do you think??"
O_o???
...along with the occasional non-sequiter...
"Condoms."
... followed immediately by another non-sequiter...
"Did I tell you that there's a new flavor of ice cream at the store? I forget what it's called, but I had a sample, and it was delicious!! I sure wish I could remember what it was, because I would like to buy some, but I'd probably put on fifty pounds just by looking at the carton! Yes, I know I lost too much weight. But... it's a really good ice cream!!"
...and the odd unsolicited family history...
"My mother was Irish, did I tell you? Her family had emigrated from Ireland just before she was born, so she was the first child born in America in her family. They were Brannons, but I don't know where they were from, your Aunt Jewel didn't tell me. You look just like her, though. You have her eye-shape, and your hair is the same color. I wonder if one of the reasons her family didn't want to have much to do with her was because she married my father, who was as far from being Irish as you could get! His father was French and his mother was Cherokee! Can you imagine that? It must have really stuck in their craw, especially with all the stories about my father's family. Did you know people were always trying to break into the cellar of the house, because Jean Lafitte was a family friend, and people were convinced he'd buried his treasure in the cellar? I'm sure that didn't help, either!!"
My mother is 81 years old, and her life is still an adventure. I hope when I'm her age, things are still as interesting to me as they are to her! And I hope I entertain my kids just as much as she entertains me!!
"I failed English 6 in high school. Why? Well, you see, we were taking a test, and the girl sitting behind me tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and she asked me a question about something on the test, and I automatically answered it without thinking about it, because I was concentrating on the test. Only problem was, I was sitting right in front of the teacher's desk, and when I turned back around, she was glaring at me. I failed that test, and failed the class, all in one fell swoop. And when I told my homeroom teacher that I needed to talk to my English teacher about that grade, he said, 'Good luck with that, because she's gone.' My English teacher had left right after the test. She had joined the WACS and just got her orders to go. It was 1943."
... or stories from mine...
"You're always fixing things! You've been fixing things since you were a baby! I remember when you were barely two years old... oh... maybe you were almost three... I'm not so sure now, but you were very small, and I had been after your daddy to fix your high chair, because it had a wobble, and he kept putting it off and putting it off, and finally, you decided to take matters into your own hands and you started shaking your high chair and looking at the legs, and I couldn't imagine what you were trying to do! I told you to stop it, and I was folding towels into a basket, and got up to take them to the bathroom. It only took me about three minutes to put them away, and when I came back to the kitchen, you were crouched in front of the high chair with a screw driver in your hand! Scared me half out of my wits! You stood up, you were so proud of yourself, and you said, "Fix-ded it, Maman! I fix-ded it!" And when I checked, sure enough, the high chair didn't wobble any more!"
... then there's the oddball things...
"And when I got up this morning and went out to get the paper, I found out the city had installed a fire hydrant in the front yard!! I can't imagine why they put a fire hydrant in my front yard!! I mean... there's a fire hydrant across the street!! And when I went out to look at it, I saw there was another one three houses down!!! What is the city thinking??? Are they expecting a lot of fires around here? Should I be concerned??? Or are they suffering from a massive brain fart?? I tell you, Auntie, I don't know what to think!!! I think somebody screwed up some orders somewhere, and I can't help but think this is not going to end well!!"
...or the worries...
"Here's D and her husband, and they're supposed to be getting a divorce. I mean, he's filed the papers and everything and then the Flaky Sister gets home and what does she find?? They went out and bought a brand new $2000 television. With the income tax return. And they owe her money!! I don't think they're going to get divorced, I mean... who would get the TV??"
... and let's not forget, the just plain puzzling!!
"But, what I don't understand is all the people disappearing!! It's on the news every night, people are disappearing, being kidnapped, and no one knows where they're going!! It's terrible! Maybe you shouldn't come to Houston, I'd be so worried about the kids!! What if they disappeared?? Oh, Auntie, you have no idea, and the news every night!! The crime rate, and then this recession... it's so hard! I really don't understand all of it, and I'm just glad no one is going to try to kidnap a little old lady and her dog!! Oh, did I tell you, I found your drum major uniform from the drum corps... do you want me to have it cleaned? Maybe the Impertinent Daughter would like to wear it and play drum major or princess or something, do you think??"
O_o???
...along with the occasional non-sequiter...
"Condoms."
... followed immediately by another non-sequiter...
"Did I tell you that there's a new flavor of ice cream at the store? I forget what it's called, but I had a sample, and it was delicious!! I sure wish I could remember what it was, because I would like to buy some, but I'd probably put on fifty pounds just by looking at the carton! Yes, I know I lost too much weight. But... it's a really good ice cream!!"
...and the odd unsolicited family history...
"My mother was Irish, did I tell you? Her family had emigrated from Ireland just before she was born, so she was the first child born in America in her family. They were Brannons, but I don't know where they were from, your Aunt Jewel didn't tell me. You look just like her, though. You have her eye-shape, and your hair is the same color. I wonder if one of the reasons her family didn't want to have much to do with her was because she married my father, who was as far from being Irish as you could get! His father was French and his mother was Cherokee! Can you imagine that? It must have really stuck in their craw, especially with all the stories about my father's family. Did you know people were always trying to break into the cellar of the house, because Jean Lafitte was a family friend, and people were convinced he'd buried his treasure in the cellar? I'm sure that didn't help, either!!"
My mother is 81 years old, and her life is still an adventure. I hope when I'm her age, things are still as interesting to me as they are to her! And I hope I entertain my kids just as much as she entertains me!!
