writing blues
Friday, March 26th, 2010 02:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
auntbijouI have been trying to write. Really. I have.
But... *sigh*
Everything I've done so far is full of suck, and that's speaking objectively. I feel like I'm trying to write through this huge... barrier... and its sucking the ... gosh, I'm not even sure how to put it. Let me put it this way: I've been working on a piece of original fiction, taking what I normally push into fanfiction, and writing something new. Right?
Am I stuck on an erotic scene? On a hot one on one passion session with lots of smut-tastic action?
No.
What am I stuck on?
One phrase. One damn, niggling, stupid, idiotic phrase to describe the sound of someone running down a running path that will lead up to one of the main characters looking up to meet another main character. You know, that "moment" where the eyes meet and something sparks, though they don't act on it, at least not right away, but the potential is there, and you just know it's going to go somewhere?
Yeah.
*bangs head into desk repeatedly*
AAAAAUUUGGHH, WHY IS THIS SO HARD ALL OF A SUDDEN?????
I mean, I know this is the usual slow climb to recovery that has happened after the last two times I lost files in a hard drive crash, but JAYS, this is driving me nuts!! There is NOTHING worse than having this ... need and craving and just gods, I have to write something, but it's just not coming. It's like... something inside got broken or is out of order, or maybe I didn't notice the "writer is currently out of service" sign, but it's like torture, and it's driving me nuts.
Even writing my posts feels unnatural and just... not like me.
I know that part of it also has to do with the fact that my thyroid is... totally out of control right now, and I've been waiting for the Impertinent One to be settled back in school before calling to reschedule my appointment. Now that she's actually made it through a week of being back on a full-time schedule, I think I can call, because y'all, I am telling you, I can't live like this any more. I'm not sleeping at all, my hands and feet are swollen, the exhaustion is crushing me again, and no matter what I do, I am gaining weight like crazy, which is... seriously depressing when I allow myself to think about it. But that's what happens when your metabolism takes a nose-dive. Once I get the dosage adjusted, I'll feel better and the weight will start coming off again, but for now... I'm just not a happy camper.
And I can't write. Oh my gods, I can't write, and it HURTS.
SO. Monday morning. I will call the endocrinologist and say, "Hey, who do I have to blow to get an appointment ASAP? You can ask my husband for references, I'm really talented at it!" I mean, whatever it takes, because seriously, y'all... I can't do this again. I enjoy getting a full night's sleep, really I do! And I miss having the energy to do things... Auntie wasn't meant to be a couch potato!! I know I haven't said much about how things were going with me, but... it's been rather a lot to deal with and... well... I just... didn't want this to turn into a blog full of me complaining about all the things that are going wrong in my life. Because... there are a lot of things that are pretty darn good about it, you know?
Every once in a while, though... it all sort of backs up and goes catty-whompuss on me and I have to vent.
I want to write again. I want that feeling back of my fingers flying on the keyboard and being lost in trying to capture the images in my head in words on a page and...
*sigh*
I HATE THIS!!!!
But... *sigh*
Everything I've done so far is full of suck, and that's speaking objectively. I feel like I'm trying to write through this huge... barrier... and its sucking the ... gosh, I'm not even sure how to put it. Let me put it this way: I've been working on a piece of original fiction, taking what I normally push into fanfiction, and writing something new. Right?
Am I stuck on an erotic scene? On a hot one on one passion session with lots of smut-tastic action?
No.
What am I stuck on?
One phrase. One damn, niggling, stupid, idiotic phrase to describe the sound of someone running down a running path that will lead up to one of the main characters looking up to meet another main character. You know, that "moment" where the eyes meet and something sparks, though they don't act on it, at least not right away, but the potential is there, and you just know it's going to go somewhere?
Yeah.
*bangs head into desk repeatedly*
AAAAAUUUGGHH, WHY IS THIS SO HARD ALL OF A SUDDEN?????
I mean, I know this is the usual slow climb to recovery that has happened after the last two times I lost files in a hard drive crash, but JAYS, this is driving me nuts!! There is NOTHING worse than having this ... need and craving and just gods, I have to write something, but it's just not coming. It's like... something inside got broken or is out of order, or maybe I didn't notice the "writer is currently out of service" sign, but it's like torture, and it's driving me nuts.
Even writing my posts feels unnatural and just... not like me.
I know that part of it also has to do with the fact that my thyroid is... totally out of control right now, and I've been waiting for the Impertinent One to be settled back in school before calling to reschedule my appointment. Now that she's actually made it through a week of being back on a full-time schedule, I think I can call, because y'all, I am telling you, I can't live like this any more. I'm not sleeping at all, my hands and feet are swollen, the exhaustion is crushing me again, and no matter what I do, I am gaining weight like crazy, which is... seriously depressing when I allow myself to think about it. But that's what happens when your metabolism takes a nose-dive. Once I get the dosage adjusted, I'll feel better and the weight will start coming off again, but for now... I'm just not a happy camper.
And I can't write. Oh my gods, I can't write, and it HURTS.
SO. Monday morning. I will call the endocrinologist and say, "Hey, who do I have to blow to get an appointment ASAP? You can ask my husband for references, I'm really talented at it!" I mean, whatever it takes, because seriously, y'all... I can't do this again. I enjoy getting a full night's sleep, really I do! And I miss having the energy to do things... Auntie wasn't meant to be a couch potato!! I know I haven't said much about how things were going with me, but... it's been rather a lot to deal with and... well... I just... didn't want this to turn into a blog full of me complaining about all the things that are going wrong in my life. Because... there are a lot of things that are pretty darn good about it, you know?
Every once in a while, though... it all sort of backs up and goes catty-whompuss on me and I have to vent.
I want to write again. I want that feeling back of my fingers flying on the keyboard and being lost in trying to capture the images in my head in words on a page and...
*sigh*
I HATE THIS!!!!
