Mama's gonna buy you a....

[auntbijou]

Nothing gets the morning going like getting in your car, opening the windows, turning to check if your daughter has buckled her seat-belt... and having a mockingbird fly right into your car.

(pause for effect)

So, there I was, mindin' my own business, and this stupid BIRD flies into my car and promptly starts freaking out.  Squeals and screams started in the car, and I began to bellow, "CALM DOWN!!!" except I managed the first part before my voice departed, so it was more like, "CALM DO*squeak*!!"  The kids were freaking out, the bird was freaking out... *sigh*  The Impossible Son, being in the back, was not in the line of fire, so to speak, so he was basically freaking out on his sister's behalf, but the Impertinent Daughter was flailing in the seat while the bird was flapping frantically and squawking and doing its bird thing.  I shouted, as best I could, "OPEN THE DOOR AND GET OUT OF THE CAR!!!"

My words finally registered, and she bailed, while I bailed out the other side and immediately slid open the back door to free my son, who was buckled into a booster seat (we are all very small people in this family).  He could unbuckle himself, but he had his face covered with his arms (a smart thing to do in the circumstances) and was busy shouting, 'You bad bird!  You leave my sister alone!  Get out!! Get out!! You stinkin' bird!!"

I was reaching across to unbuckle him when I saw Miss Priss, who was totally terrified at this point (omg, I can see the therapy bills now) about to CLOSE HER DOOR!!  "NO!!" I rasped.  "Don't close the door!! Leave it open so it can get out!!"

This drew the bird's attention to me, and the next thing I knew, it was divebombing me in the limited space of the car.  Fortunately, the Impertinent Daughter recovered her wits and opened the back door on HER side of the car, dragging her shrieking brother out, who was trying to cover me with his hands and bat at the bird (very brave of him, really).  Once they were out, I slithered out and we all stood back breathlessly while we waited for the bird to figure out it was alone.  It did and perched defiantly on the back of my seat, fussing angrily at us and probably cussing us out bird-fashion.  I was beginning to think we were going to have to WALK to school when the mockingbird (and I DO mean that in EVERY sense of the word "mocking") decided it had done and said everything it had come to do and say, and flew out the Impertinent Daughter's door and back to the sycamore tree it has been inhabiting since July.  We all got back IN the car, and YES, I closed the damn windows!!!  I did NOT want another episode with Mr. Psycho State Bird Who Is Most Fortunate To Be Protected By State Law Or His Little Neck Would Be Wrung.

And that, Mrs. Eley, and Mrs. SnareNose (which is the Impossible Son's pronunciation of "Cisneros"), is why my children were late to school this morning.

Signed, a very bedraggled and battered,

Auntie