"Don't try to live so wise, don't cry 'cause you're so right..."
Thursday, May 7th, 2009 08:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
auntbijouWell, I may hate the school district, but the counselor at the Impossible Son's school is full of WIN!!
She found out who the main culprit in the bullying was, reprimanded the teacher for not paying attention, talked to the other teachers who have been on the recess rotation who have noticed the bullying and separated the boys as much as possible, and thus were able to give her more information than my son could, then reassured my son that if his teacher would not listen to him (she just thought he was just trying to get attention: well, DUH, of COURSE he was trying to get her attention! Sheesh!!), he could come to the counselor, and SHE would listen to him.
She is one of those rare adults that kids will open up to even if they've barely known her for five minutes, and I am so glad she is there! The Impossible Son told her things he wouldn't tell me, things that... well, they broke my heart a little, but I do understand why he wouldn't tell me. But now I know why he's been coming home the last couple of weeks with more bruises on his arms and legs than is usual.
*sigh*
It's normal for Mr. Manzie to have bruises on his shins, and sometimes on his forearms. I'm there when he gets most of them, so I don't worry too much about them, and apply ice when appropriate. He's very active, and constantly barking his shins on bike pedals, tree branches, boards, you name it. He plays soccer not just with the league, but with his sister and his friends, and he doesn't always wear his shin guards, so, he gets bruises from that. But, he's been coming home with bruises on his thighs and his upper back that he couldn't (or wouldn't) explain, and it turns out they were caused by the kid who was bullying him.
*grinds teeth*
However, the counselor is going to interview the bully today, not to find out if he's doing the bullying because she already has corroboration from the other teachers, but to find out why. And then, she's putting him on a behavior management plan where he is checked up on every hour on the hour. When I expressed doubt that they would actually manage to do that, she said, "Oh, Auntie, we do it all the time, and you'd be surprised how often it works. Mostly because the fact that we're checking up every hour on the hour breaks into his opportunities for bullying. If he's in the restroom when one of the hourly checks come, a male teacher goes in to fetch him out, meaning if he's bullying someone in the restroom, then he gets caught. If he's out on the playground when the check comes, then he gets caught if he's doing it out there. We'll do this for a week. And while we're doing it, he'll have two thirty minute sessions where we work on changing his behavior, teaching him alternatives for redirecting the aggression that's driving his behavior, and finding out if there's another issue underlying it. We give him every opportunity to change his behavior without parental involvement. If he starts bullying again after the week is over, then we bring the parents in."
She's also interviewing him with a view toward finding out of Mr. Manzie is his only victim.
When she asked about the possible second bully, the Impossible Son said, "Oh, I talked to him to find out why he was being so mean to me. And it turned out to be really goofy, so we talked about it and now he's my friend. We're not real good friends, but we're okay."
So she asked if he had talked to Bully #1, and she said he was so sad when he said, "He won't talk to me, he just hits me." And when she asked him what he does when Bully#1 hits him or hurts him, he said, "I just walk away and get as far from him as I can. I stay close to my friends, and avoid him." And when she asked what he does when the bully really hurts him, like earlier this week when the bully tripped him and gave him a nasty knot on his forehead, he said, "I go tell the teacher, but she just tells me to go sit down."
That's when she told him to go to one of the other teachers, or to just come to her. She's also had a chat with the teacher about paying attention when any of the children complain about being bullied or hurt, or sick, etc.
The last couple of mornings have been much better. He's sticking with his friends, and talking with the counselor has lifted a weight off his shoulders. This is such a hugely different experience than when the Impertinent Daughter was being bullied four years ago. Back then, the counselor at her school was somewhat of a fluff bunny, and refused to use the "B" word. You know... Bully. "Why would I call her that?" Miss Fluff Bunny had said. "She's a bright, sensitive child! Labeling her would crush that happy spirit!"
And I said, "And what about my bright, sensitive child who is being crushed by that happy spirit??"
The counselor and principal at that school assured me that they would talk very firmly with Miss Happy Spirit and make sure she understood how wrong it was to bully another child.
Oh, yeah, that worked out. Not. The bullying continued, unabated, and it escalated. We ended up having a meeting between the Husbandly One, me, the principal, the counselor, the school nurse, and Miss Priss' teacher. No... thebully's Happy Spirit's parents weren't there. I won't go into the details, but I will say that the Husbandly One and I walked away from that meeting feeling completely disgusted and angry, and transferred Miss Priss out of that school ASAP.
The counselor at the Impossible Son's school is a literal breath of fresh air after that experience! I'll be keeping an eye on my son, more than usual, just to make sure things are okay. And resisting the urge to slap the teacher on the back of the head when I go as a parent chaperone on the Aquarena Springs field trip next week. Though I might if she puts Mr. Stinker in my group. Yes, she is thoughtless enough to do that.
Anyhow, we shall see what we shall see!
She found out who the main culprit in the bullying was, reprimanded the teacher for not paying attention, talked to the other teachers who have been on the recess rotation who have noticed the bullying and separated the boys as much as possible, and thus were able to give her more information than my son could, then reassured my son that if his teacher would not listen to him (she just thought he was just trying to get attention: well, DUH, of COURSE he was trying to get her attention! Sheesh!!), he could come to the counselor, and SHE would listen to him.
She is one of those rare adults that kids will open up to even if they've barely known her for five minutes, and I am so glad she is there! The Impossible Son told her things he wouldn't tell me, things that... well, they broke my heart a little, but I do understand why he wouldn't tell me. But now I know why he's been coming home the last couple of weeks with more bruises on his arms and legs than is usual.
*sigh*
It's normal for Mr. Manzie to have bruises on his shins, and sometimes on his forearms. I'm there when he gets most of them, so I don't worry too much about them, and apply ice when appropriate. He's very active, and constantly barking his shins on bike pedals, tree branches, boards, you name it. He plays soccer not just with the league, but with his sister and his friends, and he doesn't always wear his shin guards, so, he gets bruises from that. But, he's been coming home with bruises on his thighs and his upper back that he couldn't (or wouldn't) explain, and it turns out they were caused by the kid who was bullying him.
*grinds teeth*
However, the counselor is going to interview the bully today, not to find out if he's doing the bullying because she already has corroboration from the other teachers, but to find out why. And then, she's putting him on a behavior management plan where he is checked up on every hour on the hour. When I expressed doubt that they would actually manage to do that, she said, "Oh, Auntie, we do it all the time, and you'd be surprised how often it works. Mostly because the fact that we're checking up every hour on the hour breaks into his opportunities for bullying. If he's in the restroom when one of the hourly checks come, a male teacher goes in to fetch him out, meaning if he's bullying someone in the restroom, then he gets caught. If he's out on the playground when the check comes, then he gets caught if he's doing it out there. We'll do this for a week. And while we're doing it, he'll have two thirty minute sessions where we work on changing his behavior, teaching him alternatives for redirecting the aggression that's driving his behavior, and finding out if there's another issue underlying it. We give him every opportunity to change his behavior without parental involvement. If he starts bullying again after the week is over, then we bring the parents in."
She's also interviewing him with a view toward finding out of Mr. Manzie is his only victim.
When she asked about the possible second bully, the Impossible Son said, "Oh, I talked to him to find out why he was being so mean to me. And it turned out to be really goofy, so we talked about it and now he's my friend. We're not real good friends, but we're okay."
So she asked if he had talked to Bully #1, and she said he was so sad when he said, "He won't talk to me, he just hits me." And when she asked him what he does when Bully#1 hits him or hurts him, he said, "I just walk away and get as far from him as I can. I stay close to my friends, and avoid him." And when she asked what he does when the bully really hurts him, like earlier this week when the bully tripped him and gave him a nasty knot on his forehead, he said, "I go tell the teacher, but she just tells me to go sit down."
That's when she told him to go to one of the other teachers, or to just come to her. She's also had a chat with the teacher about paying attention when any of the children complain about being bullied or hurt, or sick, etc.
The last couple of mornings have been much better. He's sticking with his friends, and talking with the counselor has lifted a weight off his shoulders. This is such a hugely different experience than when the Impertinent Daughter was being bullied four years ago. Back then, the counselor at her school was somewhat of a fluff bunny, and refused to use the "B" word. You know... Bully. "Why would I call her that?" Miss Fluff Bunny had said. "She's a bright, sensitive child! Labeling her would crush that happy spirit!"
And I said, "And what about my bright, sensitive child who is being crushed by that happy spirit??"
The counselor and principal at that school assured me that they would talk very firmly with Miss Happy Spirit and make sure she understood how wrong it was to bully another child.
Oh, yeah, that worked out. Not. The bullying continued, unabated, and it escalated. We ended up having a meeting between the Husbandly One, me, the principal, the counselor, the school nurse, and Miss Priss' teacher. No... the
The counselor at the Impossible Son's school is a literal breath of fresh air after that experience! I'll be keeping an eye on my son, more than usual, just to make sure things are okay. And resisting the urge to slap the teacher on the back of the head when I go as a parent chaperone on the Aquarena Springs field trip next week. Though I might if she puts Mr. Stinker in my group. Yes, she is thoughtless enough to do that.
Anyhow, we shall see what we shall see!
