auntbijou | Not a good moment...

Oh god. Oh god, oh god, oh god....

I just got her obituary, and I was planning to go to her funeral, probably with the Practical Sister (who isn't feeling very practical at the moment) and as I sat here thinking about it, I suddenly realized that I just can't do it. I can't go. I cannot go and sit and watch them throw shovels full of dirt on top of her. I cannot sit there without wanting to scream and cry and protest and just completely losing it. They cannot throw dirt on Betty Mabry, they can't put her in the ground like that because... I just don't want to accept that she's dead and I'll never hear her voice again with that rich Paula Dean like accent, and that lovely bubbling laugh, and feel her hug me and I can't do it. I just can't sit still at the thought that there is going to be six feet worth of Mississippi soil on top of MY Betty-Boo and I'm falling apart and I can't deal with this, I just can't, I just can't I can't and I won't!!!

Gods, this sucks so bad I can't even begin to deal with it.

They can't bury her. I'm just not ready for this.