You must love the lizards sooo much, to keep them warm...
Tuesday, January 30th, 2007 08:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
auntbijouAin't nothin' like entertaining the neighbors.
So, it's a chilly, wet morning. Very chilly. I have on my silk longjohns, and a sweatshirt, as well as a heavy jacket and scarf. I take the kids to school, come home, and get out of the car to trudge up the steps to the door. As I step onto the porch, I feel and hear something hit my collar. Figuring it was a water droplet or a leaf, I just flick my fingers over the collar to knock it away, and start to unlock the door. Then... I feel it. Something COLD,and WET against my NECK! It's burrowing inside my scarf and against my skin. Being a calm and rational woman, I immediately shriek and start tearing my clothes off, because it is heading down into my shirt, and I DEFINITELY do NOT want it INSIDE MY SHIRT!!!!
Off comes the scarf, the jacket, and the sweatshirt. Yes, I'm still standing OUTSIDE on my front porch. The cold wet THING is trying to nudge down into the front of my undershirt, which most fortunately has a vee neck, and I look down to see, yes, you guessed it, a very cold, miserable Texas Spiny Lizard looking back up at me. "AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!" shrieks Auntie, flailing wildly.
"HIIIIISSSSSSS!" shrieks the lizard, also flailing wildly.
At this point, my brain, which had been coolly observing things while the rest of me was freaking out, calmly points out, "He's just cold and wants to warm up, you ninny. Pluck him off and put him back under the bushes where he belongs."
I would like to point out here that I was standing there in my jeans and a very thin undershirt, having a conversation with myself while a lizard was basically feeling me up. It took advantage of the momentary lull in flailing to actually try to slip in between the two very warm parts of me that it was perched on. Naturally, this provoked a reaction in me that meant instead of being respectfully and carefully placed under the bushes where it was warm and dry, it suddenly learned about the physics of flight. As in, if you don't have wings, you can't.
Don't worry, he landed safely, and scuttled out of sight, probably regretting the warmth, but thinking it was far too high a price to pay to have the crazy mammal screaming and flailing about in such an undignified manner.
I closed my eyes and took some deep calming breaths, waiting for my heart to slow down, when I heard muffled laughter, and opened my eyes to see several of my neighbors standing outside, watching me with various expressions ranging from concern, to amusement, to just plain laughing their asses off. "Are you okay?" the guy that lives across the street called out.
I could feel my face burning, but I drew myself up with dignity and said, "Yes, thank you. It was just a lizard. He was a bit cold and it startled me."
"Yes, we can see that."
They could also see a few other things, because it was cold and my adrenaline was pumping... so I hurried up to pick up my stuff, find my keys, and get the hell inside the house. Oh well... at least I had the undershirt on to preserve what little dignity I have left.
Now if the damn lizards would just leave me alone!!
So, it's a chilly, wet morning. Very chilly. I have on my silk longjohns, and a sweatshirt, as well as a heavy jacket and scarf. I take the kids to school, come home, and get out of the car to trudge up the steps to the door. As I step onto the porch, I feel and hear something hit my collar. Figuring it was a water droplet or a leaf, I just flick my fingers over the collar to knock it away, and start to unlock the door. Then... I feel it. Something COLD,and WET against my NECK! It's burrowing inside my scarf and against my skin. Being a calm and rational woman, I immediately shriek and start tearing my clothes off, because it is heading down into my shirt, and I DEFINITELY do NOT want it INSIDE MY SHIRT!!!!
Off comes the scarf, the jacket, and the sweatshirt. Yes, I'm still standing OUTSIDE on my front porch. The cold wet THING is trying to nudge down into the front of my undershirt, which most fortunately has a vee neck, and I look down to see, yes, you guessed it, a very cold, miserable Texas Spiny Lizard looking back up at me. "AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!" shrieks Auntie, flailing wildly.
"HIIIIISSSSSSS!" shrieks the lizard, also flailing wildly.
At this point, my brain, which had been coolly observing things while the rest of me was freaking out, calmly points out, "He's just cold and wants to warm up, you ninny. Pluck him off and put him back under the bushes where he belongs."
I would like to point out here that I was standing there in my jeans and a very thin undershirt, having a conversation with myself while a lizard was basically feeling me up. It took advantage of the momentary lull in flailing to actually try to slip in between the two very warm parts of me that it was perched on. Naturally, this provoked a reaction in me that meant instead of being respectfully and carefully placed under the bushes where it was warm and dry, it suddenly learned about the physics of flight. As in, if you don't have wings, you can't.
Don't worry, he landed safely, and scuttled out of sight, probably regretting the warmth, but thinking it was far too high a price to pay to have the crazy mammal screaming and flailing about in such an undignified manner.
I closed my eyes and took some deep calming breaths, waiting for my heart to slow down, when I heard muffled laughter, and opened my eyes to see several of my neighbors standing outside, watching me with various expressions ranging from concern, to amusement, to just plain laughing their asses off. "Are you okay?" the guy that lives across the street called out.
I could feel my face burning, but I drew myself up with dignity and said, "Yes, thank you. It was just a lizard. He was a bit cold and it startled me."
"Yes, we can see that."
They could also see a few other things, because it was cold and my adrenaline was pumping... so I hurried up to pick up my stuff, find my keys, and get the hell inside the house. Oh well... at least I had the undershirt on to preserve what little dignity I have left.
Now if the damn lizards would just leave me alone!!
