ROFLMAO

[auntbijou]

Okay, y'all know we have pets.  We have the two main cats, Dobbs the calico kitty, and Sir Edmund Hillary, the giant Siamese cat of gentleness.  We have Webby, the grumpy, antisocial parakeet ("Ah, foolish human, you stickee your hand in my cage?  HA, I bite thee, I smite at thee, with my last birdie breath, I spit at thee!!!"  Gosh, we shoulda named her KHAN!!).  And we have one solitary remainder of the clutch of goldfish we once had that our landlord at a previous home had given us that had once been resident in their horse tank.

And we have Ray.

Ray is a crawdad.  A crayfish, mudbug, land lobster, whatever you want to call him.  Yes, that thing that Cajuns usually like to throw in a pot with water and spices, boil, and then eat with great relish.  Well, y'all know I am a very sad, pathetic excuse of a Cajun, except for my feistiness, which I have in spades.  Anyhow, yes, we have a giant crawdad named Ray.  He is giant, because he's living in a 20 gallon tank with no predators and an easy food supply.  From tail to claw tip, I'd say he's a good 8 inches long or more.  BIG, in other words. 

Then there's the temporary cat, Angelina Pumpkin, and no, no one in our neighborhood will admit to owning her.  Of course.  She does not get along with the main cats, so... she will remain a temporary cat.  Especially since she has discovered the grumpy parakeet, and then, today, she has discovered... Ray.

So, there I was, looking for MY shoes, this time, running a bit late to pick up the kids from school, when I heard this godawful commotion from the living room.  "Oh, great, "I thought, "another cat fight.  Maybe this time, Ed's taking the piss out of Angelina."  

Whatever I expected to find, this wasn't it.

I walked into the living room, fully expecting to see cat fur floating in the air. But... that's not what I found.  A splash caught my attention, and I looked up in time to see a very wet, very pissed off, very folorn looking Angelina crawling OUT of our fish tank... with Ray clinging to her stomach.  It was difficult to tell at that moment just who caught who, you know what I mean?  As she shook herself, trying to dislodge the determined crawdad, he just switched to other places to grab, some of which made her definitely unhappy to judge by her yowls.  I finally stopped laughing myself silly took pity on her and lifted her out of the tank, and detached the crawdad, who celebrated his freedom by trying to take a plug out of my arm.  

The things I do for my kids.

So, I decided that Angelina's foray into Cajun cuisine should be rewarded by my own personal version of a kitty time out, i.e. time outside.  In the meantime, Ray is stalking the perimeter of his tank, an angry red color, being all belligerant and ferocious, waving his claws around and striking at every little movement.  I'm sure if I was a crawdad, I would be most terrified of him.  I'm going to have to put something across the top of his tank, since both Dobbs and Ed like to take occasional sips from the fish tank, and I personally don't want to see a cat streaking through the house, all bristled up and freaked out with a belligerantly red crawdad hanging from their nose.  Because you just KNOW who's going to have to PICK THAT CRAWDAD UP AND PUT IT BACK IN THE TANK!!!  Will it be the Husbandly One?  Noooooo, that would be ME!!!

Too bad Ray doesn't have buddies in the tank.  Can't you just see him?  "Dudes, it was AMAZING!!  I caught a CAT!!!  I had her, right in my claws, right where I wanted her, I had played her out, and I was THIS CLOSE... and then the stupid human came and rescued it!!  Man!!  I woulda been set for WEEKS!!!"

I would feel sorry for the cat, but... I can't help feeling inordinately proud of Ray.  He successfully defended his home!  What a guy!  He can go down in the Crawdad Hall of Fame!

*falls apart laughing*