auntbijou: (Angry Chibi Auntie!!)
Okay, I've had some time to decompress a bit, though I am still wired, to the point that I almost cannot sit still.

I had to go to San Marcos today to get a bridal shower gift for my second oldest niece, M. She's getting married in October, and I kind of wasn't looking forward to this trip, not because I'm not excited for her, but because, well... soccer season for the youth league starts tomorrow, there's all sorts of SNAFU's already, the kind that make you want to tear your hair out and yell, "This isn't rocket science, people!!"

I'd already dealt with a couple of phone calls that made me want to find somebody to chop into little bits so I could stomp all over them, so I was already feeling testy and twitchy and just generally very Bear-like.

Definitely should have had a "Beware of Bear" shirt on.

I should probably mention here that she's registered at Target.

So, looking at M's gift registry, I see she wants a pizza pan. Our budget is somewhat limited, plus, I'm making her earrings, so... "shrugs* The pizza pan she wants is on a lower shelf, so I bend my knees and bend over to grab it and make sure I have the right SKU number when... a large pair of hands suddenly grabs my ass and squeezes. TWICE.

Did I mention that my dad was in the Marine Corps, and didn't want his girls to be helpless in a man's world?

It was totally instinctive. I gripped the pizza pan, dropped into a crouch, stepped back and swung up with it as hard as I could, yelling, "HYYAAAAAA!!!" and brained him.

It rang with a solid CLAAAANG!! and knocked him back into the shelves across the aisle. Of course, I was full of adrenaline and totally pissed off, and I shouted, "What the hell do you think you're doing??"

He scrambled to his feet, waving his hands in front of his face with a rapidly swelling lump on his forehead, gave me this totally shit eating grin and said, "Oh, sorry, wrong butt!"

"Yes, it was!" I snarled, raising the pizza pan again. "And if you take one step closer to me, I'll show you just how wrong you were!!"

His eyes got wide and he RAN!! Of course, that might have been because a stocker the size of Montana came running up with a rolling pin in his hands (well, we were in Housewares!) and said, "I saw the whole thing and Security is on the way. Are you all right, Ma'am?"

"No, I'm not, I'm ANGRY!!" I shouted, raising the pan again, though I didn't really notice until he flinched.

When I looked at it, it had a huge dent in it, about the size and shape of my attacker's head. A burly security guy arrived at that point and asked me if I could describe him and I said, "Yes, he's about this tall, and he has a huge lump on his forehead!!" which made them both laugh, and that oddly enough calmed me down. I was shaking at that point, but not because I was scared. Because I was furious! Seriously, did he think I wouldn't react?? Or that I would just squeal and huff indignantly??

Fortunately, I didn't have to pay for the pan. My big, line-backer sized stocker took it away from me and handed me an undamaged one while Mr. Security rattled a description of Mr. Grabby-Hands off on his radio. And another stocker brought me something cool and theoretically soothing to drink without me asking. I say "theoretically" because I suspect it was massively caffeinated. It was sort of brown and frothy with a chocolaty sort of taste, and a little nutmeg, I think, and I was suddenly wired liek whoa!! Seriously, I think I was moving at warp two bazillion sixty after about two sips, and here it is, nearly twelve hours later and I'm still going!!

At least it was free.

They didn't find him, of course. They took my name and number and filed a incident report for their system and asked if they could report it to the local police, just in case, and I said, "Hell yes!!" and I had an escort for the rest of my shopping trip, plus an escort out to my car, just in case Mr. Grabby-Hands was lurking in the parking lot.

I think my dad would have been vastly entertained. Well, pissed, too, because somebody touched his girl, but entertained, because I knocked the snot out of that guy.

Wish I could have kept that pizza pan. It would have made a nice trophy!!

*shakes head*

The rest of the day just went downhill after that. All the stuff with soccer, my mom... aw, crap, I was supposed to call her back. *slaps forehead* Crappity, crap, crap!!

I SOOOOO need to go to bed. A nice session with the Husbandly One would probably work wonders on my nerves.

I also need to find out what the hell was in that drink!! I'm definitely not allowed to have it again!!
auntbijou: (icon by <lj user="odyssey">)
Especially for those of you familiar with U.S. tax law.

I was chattin' with my mom today, and she told me something that has me pretty much frothing at the mouth. Now, Mom is closing in on 82, and while she may be dithery about a few things here and there, one thing she is sharp as a tack on is her finances. So, when she said she had something worrying her about her savings account, I sat up and paid attention.

Seems she noticed a couple of charges on her savings account, 12 cents here, 14 cents there, just since March I think she said. This worried her, so she immediately called the bank to find out what was going on.

Hold on to your hats, you're going to love this.

She managed to get a hold of a flesh-and-blood type and asked why she was getting hit with these little charges. The bank employee told Mom that she had undeclared income, and the IRS was charging her by taking those little 12 to 14 cent charges out of her savings account.

Mom said, "What undeclared income??? I'm 81 years old, I'm on Social Security and my retirement from the retail store I worked for, and I don't really make enough to actually file taxes, but I did this year because of my husband's death, so... what are you talking about??"

Well, my dad used to work in the oil fields back in the fifties and sixties. Back then, sometimes the oil company who was hiring my dad's company to drill wells couldn't necessarily afford to pay their bill, so they'd compromise by offering the workers shares in the output of the well when it came through. And for a while, my dad actually got enough of a supplementary income from those wells to make the difference whenever any of us got sick or needed shoes, etc. But by the late seventies, that petered out until it cost more to mail the checks than my parents actually got in the checks. I mean, can you imagine getting a check for 4 cents??

They sold most of their shares in those wells over the years, and by last year, had only one left. It started paying them a whopping ten bucks every quarter. Thing is, they still had to declare all those shares on their taxes, even though they weren't producing much, and they did that faithfully every year.

Okay, so this year, my mom finally got tired of dealing with it, even though the Flaky Sister told her to hang on to that last well, because "It might pay off, Mother, you never know!!" And Mom said, "Oh, honey, that well is almost completely played out! And even if it wasn't, I'm kinda sick of it, you know?" So... she sold it. This year. For $75, because... that was all it was worth. Barely.

That's the undeclared income she's supposedly being taxed on. The $75 that she made this year from selling that well.

Auntie smells a big, fat rat.

So I started asking Mom a ton of questions. Did she get any letters from the IRS?

No.

Did the bank notify her of these charges?

No. She had to call them to find out what was going on.

Has she heard from anyone from the IRS, period?

No.

Now, 12 cents sounds like a piddlin' little amount, right? A small amount no one will really fuss about or even blink at, or maybe not even notice or pay attention to. That's part of what bothers me about it. Why would the IRS, of all people, only charge such a tiny amount, most specifically without notifying her? Oh, and she's called the bank multiple times on this issue, talking to different folks each time and they all tell her the same damn thing.

WTF??

I thought the IRS has to notify you in writing if they are going to garnish your wages/income, etc, before they take action. This whole situation just sounds... off.

Mom said she is going to go to the bank, and I said, "Whatever you do, do not go alone."

"Well, Auntie, since I can't drive, I'll have to have someone take me, so I won't be alone..." she said with amusement.

"No," I said. "I mean, don't go into the bank alone, don't let them separate you from whoever takes you..."

"Oh, no, no, no," she said calmly. "I have no intention of doing that, believe me. I plan to ask the Flaky Sister..."

"Mom, I'd much rather you take the Brotherly One, please," I said, referring to the Blonde Sister's husband. Mainly because if the Flaky Sister goes, she won't challenge them, she'll just nod and go along with what they say, especially if they make the explanation complicated enough. I would also like for her to get the family lawyer involved. Just because.

So... any of you have any clue what this might be? Because really, I'm at a loss. It's bad enough she's only going to get half of what little was left of Dad's retirement and half of his Social Security benefits without some screwball bank charges being thrown at her to devour what is left of their savings. And she can't sell the house until the will finishes going through probate.

AARGH!!! *rips out hair* Maybe one day, I'll tell you about the royal reaming the oil company Dad worked for pulled on its retirees, but not right now. I"m too... cranky.

Thinking...

Thursday, December 11th, 2008 03:48 pm
auntbijou: (Default)
I've been in two minds whether or not to post this, because part of me is like, "AAAAHHHH, PANIC, PANIC, MUST SEEK SUPPORT!!" and the other part of me (which is much more sensible, really) is saying, "Wait until you know something."

Well, I'm taking that advice as regards telling my mother because... she'll freak. And she'll worry all weekend long. I figure y'all are a much hardier bunch, so...

I had to go have an ultrasound done of my throat yesterday. Because... I've been having issues. I've been very, very tired, to the point where it's an effort to stay awake sometimes, and mass quantities of caffeine have become counter-productive. And, well you know, women in their forties usually start experiencing "personal summers." Well... I'm not. I'm having "personal winters." You know, moments where I'm fine, and then the next minute, my teeth are chattering, I'm shivering, and freezing to death... and it's 82 degrees outside. Everyone else is sweating and I'm experiencing hypothermia.

And I have this... lump... on my thyroid gland.

So I had an ultrasound done. And the doctor called me back today and said, "You definitely have a nodule on your thyroid. I'm sending you to an endocrinologist to have it evaluated and see what we need to do about it."

*nods thoughtfully*

My appointment is on Monday. This gives me, what, three days to fidget, worry, fidget, panic, and fidget some more, right? It's probably nothing. It's probably subacute thyroiditis again, and I'll be told to get plenty of rest, etc,, and things will improve on their own, like I did ten years ago.

You know what? I just realized... it was exactly ten years ago almost to the DAY that I found a lump on my thyroid and... whoa... that's... just weird.

I need to sit down.

Wait. I AM sitting down.

Excuse me, I need to go do a little more panicking and freaking out, just to, you know, get it out of my system so I can behave rationally later. Yeah. And y'all believe that, too, right?

I'm going to get through this, too. Just, hey, Whoever Is In Charge? Yeah, You! STOP IT WITH THE CURVE BALLS ALREADY!!! A little break would be nice, yeah? SHEESH!!!

*grumbles*

It's so... weird!!

Thursday, February 7th, 2008 09:29 am
auntbijou: (Default)
You know what blows my mind? Whenever I post a fic on skyhawke, I always check to make sure it posted correctly. There's a delay of like... ten seconds, maybe, from the time I post to the time I go to the list page... and there will already be three or four hits.

O_O!!

Are people like... hovering, just waiting for me to post something???

*boggles*

Of course, I know they're probably just checking to see if something new is up, so it's just a coincidence, but DA-YUM!! It freaks me out!!

Um... ooookay...

Friday, January 25th, 2008 07:44 am
auntbijou: (Default)
Well. I got my first left-handed compliment review. I'm on Skyhawke now, and I'm in the process of posting my Accidental Series, hoping it will push me into finishing the damn thing. I still have two stories to go, you know?

Anyhow, I got my first review, and I sat there looking at it, thinking, "Oooookay... you obviously meant this to be a compliment... except... it isn't."

I am rather vastly amused.

Read here.

She's the first person supposedly from the scene to complain.  Sort of.  When my fever goes down, and I'm not so addled, I might be angry... or I might still be vastly amused.

Oh, yeah, I gots the high fever, yo.  A friend picked up the daughter from school yesterday, and offered to take both to school this morning, just give her a call.  But I totally tanked and forgot, because... I'm sick.  So, I had to take them, and when my fever gets high, I have a tendency to hallucinate, and for some reason, I hallucinate about the Blonde Sister.  I had quite a nice little conversation with her on the way home from school before I turned to stare at her and said, "Wait a minute, how did you get here?"

She smiled and sang, "You've got a feee-ver!"

Seriously freaked out!

When I got home, I took it.  102.6 F.  EEEEYIIIIII!!!  Tylenol!  Tylenol, now!!!!

Yes, I am home, and I am staying PUT!  I'm going to call my friend and ask her to pick up the kids again, and then I'm going to bed and STAYING THERE!!!
auntbijou: (Default)
Okay, so I have to take Miss Priss to the doctor, because she's also dealing with strep again. And I called the Husbandly One to let him know what time and all that, and he says, haltingly, "Be sure to let the doctor know that she, er... you know... um, started her... her... you know... um..."

"Her... period?" I said helpfully.

Man, you could feel the flinch through the phone!!!

"Yes!" he said, and moaned. Yes, friends, he actually moaned over the phone! "I just can't say it!" he almost wailed.

"Why? You can say it when it's me," I said playfully.

"That's different!!" he said stubbornly. "It's you! Not my baby!!"

*falling apart laughing*

I'm gettin' waaaay too much enjoyment out of this, aren't I?
auntbijou: (Default)
Did y'all just hear a wild, horror filled scream that seemed to echo around the planet a few times?

No, no, don't worry... it was just the Husbandly One when I told him that after a few months, the Impertinent Daughter's cycle will sync with mine, and we'll be starting around the same time each month.

I have no idea what that was all about... do you?

*cackling wickedly*

May 2020

S M T W T F S
     12
3456789
10111213141516
171819 20212223
24252627282930
31      

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags